I answered every question you asked about the white shirt. I can resend the e-mail if you wish. It comes down to this. It’s a field shirt and will be torn to shreds and five kinds of dirty within seconds. In the end, it’s your gift. Get what ever you want or, if you feel like it, nothing. With fewer presents to unwrap, we’ll be better able to get off to see other family members who will give us shit about not fulfilling their fondest Christmas wishes.

Blame the world for all the crappy parts of your holiday, but like everything else the other fingers point right back to you. Feel bad if that’s what you want. We are all entitled to our pity parties. I prefer to be shot in the back though. I know it’s your blog, but you have invited me here and know I am your devoted reader. Maybe a heads up would be appropriate – unless you are hoping for my smart mouth, which you know I have because you gave it to me.

John X’s Way of X-mas:

Order all gifts online via the Web. Have gifts sent to wherever they go.

Clickety-click-click-click. And….FINISHED.

Christmas cards: Immediate family and maybe a few friends.

I wouldn’t go to a mall anytime of the day or night, but especially during X-mas.

There’s also the $$$ option. “Here’s XXX dollars. Buy something nice for yourself.”

If your “thoughtfulness” comes into question, you can always suggest to the accuser that they search their hearts for examples of thoughtfulness you exhibit the rest of the (non X-mas) time.

Or tell them: “You’re right. I should be more thoughtful. My first thought is, next year, you’re not getting shit.”

Bah humbug, I remain, yours without light or heat since Sunday last,
John X, Iconoclast