I have never loved the jobs that I did, which I did because I could and not because I wanted. I feel trapped where I am, but I have big plans for the future and I’ve started working toward them now. For example, did you know I am a guitar player? I won’t say I wish I could play the guitar any more. I play the same 9 notes that Parrish does and because I play the guitar, I am a guitar player. Like all the best notions in my head, Jack turned me onto this one. I’m going to live a long life and so I should start acting like it.

Also, you choose to smoke. Stop being so self-loathing about it. Enjoy the cigs – but not around my kids. Don’t just smoke them – smoooooooke them. It’s not like you are going to quit, so accept that it’s part of who you are – a big, smelly, cancerous, money spending smoker. And that’s okay, Stuart Smaley. Adore the deco swirls forming around your head and filtering the light from your windows as it pollutes your living environment. If it’s one of the few pleasures in your life, then allow it to be pleasurable.

And what’s up with the ennui? Are you Gretta Garbo? And what’s up with the nihilism, which you say it ain’t but it certainly sounds like it is? Who cares if life is pointless or pointed? You told me there are two ways to go through life – laughing or crying. Which are you going to choose? Though to be truthful, you left out a gamut of other things like nagging. I spend a significant amount of time neither laughing nor crying, but rather doing something that sounds like, “Didn’t I tell you twice already to get your shoes on?”

Oh, and you are alone. You are always alone and you will always be alone. Get used to it. No one can fill that void for you. And still you have buddies, colleagues, peers, and family. You may not want to claim us, but here we are pestering you on your blog. Letting you know that we see you and we carry pieces of you with us everywhere and always.

(HA! I wonder where I get my familial reputation as the ice queen? It’s your own fault for passing this crap down and triggering my own interior monologue. Did I mention how much I love and adore you?)

I was home from work too and home all day. Mostly in bed with a migraine. I found myself thinking that maybe if I were actually dating someone, that person could bring me comfort in the form of medicine or ice cream. Of course I could call a friend to do the same, but then I’d feel obligated to brush my hair and teeth. Nah, too much effort.

Saw this quote the other day: “You come into the world alone and you go out of the world alone, yet it seems to me you are more alone while living than even coming and going.”

I’ll be swirling your last question in my mind for myself as well.