dinner was smallish — about 8 — at iron star and then there were five of us at my house for a movie. then i went to flip’s and saw the artist Lance, brother of Todd, late of GSpot and Paseo. They’re doing fine, although they experienced the death in a motorcycle wreck of their father about 4 months ago. Hadn’t checked in with them in a while and it was nice to catch up.
my office is still in the midst of redecorating and I can’t really work there and I sure as hell don’t work at home.
But I blog.
I find time to do it more often than not.
I expose my life, my thinking, my humor, my associates and activities as well as sharing some political crap and the occasional funny thing I run into while scanning the news channels.
Higgins’ Laura, in her cups again challenged me at every turn, confronting each and every statement. She also asked me a civil question. She asked “Why?”. Why do I do this?
Hmmmm. Self Absorbtion? Nah!
Duh!
I’d like to think there’s more to it than narcissism.
I think there are times when I write well. No matter what any of you readers may think or understand, I’d write for the blog just this way if there are none of you or a host. Writing is a skill and must be used every day to hone the craft of putting words together. Of carrying a thought to conclusion. Of seeing what works and doesn’t in the way of metaphors and long sentences and short bursts.
Which really works best: long paragraphs or single sentence terse Hemingway-esque breaks for the white space readability?
I write what I know and all I really know is what I see and do and experience. There are no boring times, only boring people. There are no boring places, either.
This life I write is of my own creation. It is my art. It’s fictional as hell and full of lies and half truths and embroidery for literary effect. AND ITS TRUE TO THE BONE.
I am the grandson of Kerouac and the son of Hunter S. Thompson.
I’m a memoirist and this is my memoire to the world.
I am near Northwest Oklahoma City’s Proust in the midst of a Remembrance of Things Past.
Pass me a madelaine while I read you this passage from Faulkner or Twain, both of whom I have wrestled for half a century and know the smell of their sweat in the Deep South humidity.
The conceit of this is that all this lying and fictionalizing and shading somehow keeps me more honest about who I am and what I do. If I don’t like what I read, I look for some serenity and have a barometer of my emotional temperature. Which is a long way round the bush to say that this is how I can stay cool. I can observe my behavior and thinking and not just react to it. ]
The voices in my head that sometimes appear are fictional and real at the same time. I get conflicted easily and I really am a scared six year old boy at times. I defy any honest man to deny he knows exactly that fear of which I speak. I don’t know what women think, honest or not.
I think men are brave in exact measure as they are afraid.
For me, this is an act of bravery. Of a willingness to be honest with myself, if no one else.
Laura challenged me that same night about a statement I made: Wisdom is knowledge plus bitter experience.
It is better for me to be transparent than to do as I did previously, which was to shade who I was to fit the expectations of others. For me, this is wisdom gained through bitter experience.
The practice of deceit has a cost I am no longer willing to pay. Wisdom. Bitter Experience.
The truth is almost always better than a lie. Wisdom. Bitter Experience.
I must practice my art or lose it. Wisdom. Bitter Experience.
Knowledge, even knowledge of wisdom, does not become wisdom until you can live according to its truth and teachings.
All of us have been taught: A kind word turns away wrath.
It’s true. I’ve seen it work. I’ve done it and seen the result.
Very wise knowledge. Why do we still lash out?
Think about the times you’ve delivered that verbal gut punch only to later wish you’d toned it down.
If one’s goal is to be wise, it would be wise to universally adopt that practice.
Myself, I can’t do that if I’m off kilter.
Think there’s a connection?
There you go, folks. That’s it. That’s why I write this blog. This is my therapy. This is how I find out how to stay centered. This is my classroom for my life, not just my self absorption. This is where I learn my lessons. If I do something shitty, might as well get it out there. I don’t always like what I do and how I’m thinking. That’s a big hint. If you want to do what is right, first you must stop doing what you think is wrong. If I’m ashamed to put something in this blog, then I’ll have to stop doing anything I’m ashamed to do.
It’s just blogblah!!!
If it makes you uncomfortable, look away. I sometimes do.
