So, it’s Spring and the sap is rising and a young man’s fancy turns to thoughts of love while us older guys just get sappy, right? 

Maybe it’s just me, but I see people coupling up and I wonder how much of that is just wanting to have someone to sit with around the pool this summer and how much is true love.  I know for sure that it is a question for women because men don’t think that way.  We are too simple.

A couple of times lately, I’ve had a discussion I always enjoy about kissing.  What’s good kissing and what isn’t?  Are you a good kisser?  Can you teach a bad kisser to kiss well?  How important is kissing:  would you break up with someone just because they aren’t good?  Nothing ever gets resolved and I almost never learn anything new.  I just like to hear what people have to say and see how passionate they get about the subject.  Also, it’s something anyone and everyone can speak to.  There are no experts (to the best of my knowledge) and it’s an extraordinarily common experience, so everyone is included and can express an opinion.  It’s “racy” without being crude or vulgar, although some crowds take it there sooner or later.  A springtime on the veranda discussion over a beverage kind of discussion and those are my favorite.

My own love life is in kind of wierd place.  I don’t know how to describe it nor much of how I feel about it.  The full moon the past couple of days has made me edgy about everything, so I think I’m also on edge about this topic on a subconscious level as well as a conscious level.  I don’t have any big problems with anyone, and I am sleeping alone and it’s been OK with me.  I would like to be in the arms of “the one”, but that’s just not what’s going on with me and my life right now.  I don’t want to have that situation so much that I’m willing to do anything at all, especially not something desperate, to get into that situation.  If it happens, it happens, and if it doesn’t, the way things in my life are right now, that’s OK, too.  I’m trying to be insightful about myself, but I can’t really decide whether I don’t want a significant other or if it’s just working out that way and I’m centered enough right now to deal with it and let the universe unfold as it does without me trying to push anything around in order to get my way.  I go back and forth, of course.  Sometimes, I think I’ll go to any length to CONSTRUCT a good match and just reject the idea of FINDING a good one.  Other times, I’m a little fatalistic about my ability to conform my behavior to any standard.  I’m a damn old dog to start learning old tricks, but I may still have another trick or two in me.  And, I’ve learned some things over the years.  Who knows?

It’s mother’s day today and I sat with a crowd at the Red Cup this morning and that was pretty roundly discussed.  I’m happy to say that as much as I gripe about and kid my own mom, she’s a helluva gal.  One thing that gives me hope that I still have a trick or two I could learn despite my age is that i’ve seen my Mom change her behaviors over the past few years since Dad died.  I think my father’s final illness, slow decline and death were very difficult for her since she carried the load for caretaking.  I think since then, she’s slowly but consistently become less dog tired, worn out and emotionally exhausted and become happier, more content, more able to focus on a wider and more satisfying personal life.  She’s got a boyfriend and that’s an uncomfortable thing for me, but I’m so happy for her happiness I can hardly stand it.  She pushes my own personal buttons much less often and much less hard, especially the past two years.  I get part of the credit for that by reducing the numbers of buttons I have and reducing the size of the buttons that remain, but she’s done a remarkable job of relating to me on a much more healthy and happy basis.  I really love her and think she’s a remarkable woman and that her life is inspiring in many more ways than not.  Happy Mother’s Day, Mom!  Luvyalots!!!

(Do you think my therapist, Jolly Dr. Max, would nod his head and stroke his goatee reading the above two paragraphs and be totally unsurprised that a comment about my lovelife would be immediately followed by a discussion of my mother?  Fuck YOU.  It’s just mother’s day and it’s a coincidence, fuckers!  Sometimes a cigar is just a damn cigar, Sigmond.  Armchair shrinks, every one of you assholes can…  Nevermind.)

My friend the Oz has decided he want to incorporate my blogging as a kind of narrative connection within his movie and I wonder which voice he wants to hear?  The intense political one, the philosopher king, the social commentariat, the lover, the friend, the poet, the scared little boy, the humorist, the reporter, Sinatra’s?

I vote for the cat, but I don’t expect to win that fight.

This weekend, I decided to do some work for Patricia Presley, who is running for Congress in the 5th District.  A Dr. Hunter from Edmond and Bert Smith are her primary opponents and some big guns are lined up to shoot each other on the GOP side, including Lt. Gov. Mary Fallon, Commissioner Denise Bode, and now Mick Cornett.  More later, but if you are reading this blog, you’re close enough to me to know to vote for Patti or I’ll kick your ass.

Summer must really be coming because I’m already losing my apetite.  Don’t really know what that’s about, but I’ve been off my feed lately and very uncaring about the crap I put in my belly.  I know I’m screwing up and just flat don’t care.

Speaking of that sort of thing, I’ve got my annual physical coming up and I’m not really looking forward to the process.  I do look forward to having done it because I’ve reached that age that it’s idiotic and neurotic not to look after your health beyond all reason.  I feel so powerful,  in control and grown up when it’s done.  I don’t care for needles, I have that vasco-vega thingabobby where sometimes a simple blood sample can make me faint.  Of course, having my prostate checked is uncomfortable, but still so much better than the alternatives.  On and on.  Getting older is not for sissies.

Things at work are not all I’d like them to be, but there’s no one to blame but myself.  I am a pathological and self destructive procrastinator and it’s obvious at my office how much procrastination is like masturbation — I’m just screwin’ myself.

(Back to sex, eh?  SHUT THE FUCK UP Money and sex are always mixed up in here.  SHUT THE FUCK UP he said “screwin'” heehee SHUT THE FUCK UP Hey, from prostate exams to masturbation, that’s a reasonable transition  SHUT THE FUCK UP  He’s gay! Hee Hee FOR CHRIST SAKE! WILL YOU PLEASE SHUT THE FUCK UP!  Got to him, didn’t we?  Yeah, good job.  I HATE YOU GUYS  HAHAHAHAHAHA  heeeheeeeeheeeeee NOW WILL YOU PLEASE SHUT UP  nope.  guess not.  NAPTIME.  MUST SHUT DOWN.  AAAHHHHH  No FAIR!!!!ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ)

 

 

Well, we learned today that the federal government is amassing the largest database in the world:  the telephone numbers of every American who made a telephone call and the number called.

President Bush responds to this USA Today story by saying he is focused on terrorists and that the program is entirely legal and that he’s watching out for our civil liberties.  All fine and well except that the president has claimed that whatever he does in the name of chasing terrorists is legal and no big deal as to civil liberties, including warrantless searches by the National Security Agency in violation of the FISA court mandates and legislation and the torture of American citizens at Guantanamo Bay and in secret prisons scattered worldwide.

Meanwhile, the Justice Department has stopped their probe of the NSA warrantless searches, telling Congress it’s a non-starter because the spies are refusing to grant security clearances TO THE FBI and can’t give up the paperwork without the clearances.

So Osama is still walking around the mountains along the Afghan-Pakistani border and could with no trouble at all himself walk into the United States with a 5 gallon bucket of anthrax through our seaports where a few hundred tons of cocaine come in every year and there is NO plan to secure those ports nor money to do it with.  Bush’s best idea was to hire a Mideast firm to handle security for us in seaports.

I can’t figure out how such a great guy could be so low in the approval polls, can you?

 

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