OK, I’m not proud of it, but I smoked again. I’m not going to just give up, though. I’ll try again starting this weekend or Monday. I just got so darn bored sitting at home with a cold and not being able to go out and talk to anyone and I spent so much time between my own ears. Oh, shit. Just one excuse after another for being a weak and spineless hedonist.

Once more into the breach … Oh, fuck Henry V … I don’t give a damn about Agincourt.

This cold in my head is making it difficult for my right brain to talk to my left brain and the voices are really starting to echo in here.

Looks like I’ll head into these holidays with no woman to share Christmas and no date for New Year’s Eve. No doubt the universe unfolds as it should, but I don’t have to like it.

I’ve discovered that I like cranberry juice heated and spiced with cinnamon. It’s really yummy. So, I’m sitting here with a fire in the fireplace and The Bird blowin’ sweet on the stereo and my hands wrapped around a large mug of heated juice and spice beverage and no one to talk to but the wind. I’d seduce myself if there was any challenge to it.

I’m missing the Wednesday night Paseo dinner and movie due to the inclement weather, by which, of course, I mean this freakin’ winter snowstorm with wind chills in the minus territory. Those of you as**oles who complained about the heat during our relatively mild summer can now just shut the F**K up.

Last night, I felt too bad to read, write or paint, so I watched TV. In fact, I watched more TV last night than I have in years. Boy Howdy! Have I really been missing out! Fascinating and mindblowing things on television nowadays. You-all should be so proud of the time you spend in front of the tube.

Now, I understand completely.

Tyra Banks in Top Model, a reality show about 13 beautiful young women who want to be America’s next Tyra Banks! Yea!!! Followed by Victoria’s Secret show with Tyra doing her last runway model appearance. Historical. Didn’t you just feel the electricity in the air? What a television moment! Up there with Lee Harvey Oswald being shot and the Twin Towers falling down. Iconic. A time and money saving show for me as well. Yes, just think of the time I’ve saved having to survey the local gentlemen’s clubs to find out what the style conscious stripper will be wearing next year. No woman I know would appear even in private in any of the styles being shown on this show because all those sparkly rhinestones and fetishist stuff would just be too damn uncomfortable to wear in real life. And, darlin’, if you do show up in my bedroom wearing undies made of lifesaver candies, you must expect me to laugh my ass off before you get the reaction you seem to be seeking. I wonder how many adolescents taped this show? And Newton Minow thought television was a “vast wasteland” in the middle of the last century. Shows what HE knew.

Is all of television now made of bad reality shows? After Victoria’s Secret, there was “Amazing Race” and “Elimidate” and — endless re-runs of “Frazier”.

“Elimidate” is my all time favorite so far. So f’ing CRUEL!!! I especially like when there’s one guy and three or four women who start calling each other whore and slut. That makes for particularly edifying television experience. Kept me eating popcorn late into the night, by Gosh.

I just learned that the phenomenon of a woman’s thong underwear flashing above the back of her low cut jeans is called “whale tail” or “whaling”. Cute and descriptive. The internet is ALMOST as good as TV.