OU lost at home last night to Missouri in a 1 point game. Yesterday, there was snow on the ground and today, the top is down on the Miata in the face of a 65 degree forecast. Welcome to Oklahoma, where the world regularly turns upside down.
I listened to a little NPR this a.m., trying to catch some of the Judiciary Committee hearings on Judge Alito. Our own U.S. Sen. Tom Coburn (R-OK) sits on the committee and he was up for part of the time I was listening in. What a goober! It’s freakin’ embarrassing to be represented by this wing nut. Oh, well. The people have spoken.
Noticed on the front page of today’s Gazette that 5th Dist. Congressman Ernie Istook (who wants to run for governor against Brad Henry) is donating to charity nearly $30,000 in campaign contributions that were tainted by the Jack Abramoff and Tom DeLay’s corruption scandal. It’s freakin’ embarrassing to be represented by this wing nut. Oh, well. The people have … why does this sound familiar?
I don’t have a g/f right now and I’m OK with that for once. Seems a g/f will notice when I’m less than perfect. Like when I “clock” another woman at Flip’s when I’m out with her. It’s a bad move on my part. SuzArt says she’d walk if it happened to her. Maybe so.
But, you know, I don’t care right now. I really don’t. I have been “fixed” by the best. One after another outstanding woman has given me some really good advice about how I can improve myself and be a better boyfriend.
I don’t want any more advice.
I don’t want to be fixed.
I know I’m flawed. Got lots of places where I might improve.
Don’t want to hear about it.
That’s probably wrong of me as well. Shouldn’t everyone want to get better?
Fuck that.
I am not a pre-existing home to be painted and plastered and remodeled. Good foundation, good roof, needs fixin’ up for resale at a profit.
Fuck that.
I’ve been raking myself over the coals for every little shortcoming for half a century now. I’ve got a momma, three sisters and a daughter all telling me from time to time where I fall short of the glory of God. What I do not need is another woman in that line with another set of her own complaints.
I know about my failures and shortcomings. Right now, I’m interested in building on my good points and I’m waiting for someone to be happy to get what they get when they get the flawed me. I’d like to be appreciated for my intelligence, education, taste, generally good manners, kindness, generosity, willingness to be emotionally available, maybe even my looks. When do these things outweigh my shortcomings? When does an “A” for not playing golf and not drinking get to be good enough without also having to berate me for some trivial matter for which I get a “C”?
Here’s a complaint I’ve heard on more than one occasion that kills me: “we eat out so much it ruins my diet and I’m gaining weight.” What? That’s MY fault? I thought you LIKED being taken out to eat!!! Another one I have some trouble with is smoking. I don’t like that I smoke. I keep trying to quit. I know it’s bad. I know it’s unhealthy. I know it’s expensive. Why is it necessary to get that lecture from everyone who dates me? I was smokin’ when you met me, babe, and I’ll quit as soon as I can, so can we move on? Nope. Gotta hear it over and over.
I would be a one-woman man by choice. I prefer relationships. I’d like to have a LTR and I like being in love. I’m no damn good at it. That’s just all there is. I don’t do it well. I freely admit that I don’t “get it”. There’s clearly something that I’m not understanding and/or doing. There’s clearly something wrong with the way I approach relationships.
As for now, I give up. I have other things I want to do. I have other things I want to accomplish. The new and improved me is going to have to wait for 2007. This year, I’m going to be involved in politics and art. I’m going to write and practice law. I’m going to work on my flawed house and my kitchen floor is my No. 1 priority for being fixed, not my poor relationship skills.
So, I’m sorry. My apologies to all those women out there who loved me for my potential and hated me because I don’t live up to their expectations.
Maybe next year.