I’ve been thinking about the stuff I wrote about how I don’t want to hear any criticisms.

Do I have a fragile ego?

Hell, yeah.

Not always.

I can hear what my friends say. I get my share of pokes in the ribs from my friends and I think I take it pretty good.

I do divorces and get called names that would scorch your ears by my client’s estranged spouses, other lawyers and even a judge or two from time to time. That’s just my business and it goes with the territory and I don’t let it get to me too badly.

Like everybody else in the world, I get my share of fingers shot at me by passing drivers and my share of ugly and unhappy at the mall. I went down to the station for my fair share of abuse, as Dylan wrote last century.

But, in a relationship, it’s different.

I’ve let down my guard. I’ve made myself emotionally vulnerable to you. It doesn’t take much more than a light touch for me to react with the sensitive skin I’ve presented you.

My scared little boy inside is hypersensitive and hypervigilant. I’ve spent a lifetime being the good boy who looks at the chicken innards of eyebrows, frowns and scowls to determine my future. I am mostly doing my dead level best to please you and I never have a malicious intention.

So, what I don’t need is a jerimiad or a screed. Don’t nag me or chide me like an underling. No need to berate me or demean me. It’s overkill and it really hurts and it makes my psychic armor bristle. If you find you are speaking to me much in the way an irritated teacher speaks to a errant gradeschool child, you’re probably talking your way out of a relationship with me.

Those of you so inclined may now indulge in your symbolic vision of me killing my father and self destructively putting out my own eyes out of the shame of raping my mother.

So, here’s the deal, ladies. If you just MUST fix someone, try working on yourself. When you’ve reached Buddha-hood and Enlightenment and Nirvana, let me know and you can immediately begin telling me all the places I’ve fucked up in my life. Until that time, you can accomplish almost everything you could ever want by doing the counter-intuitive thing. I am very hard to push around, it’s true, because I tend to push back instead of going the direction you desire. On the other hand, I can be easily led. A little flattery here and a little encouragement and support there plus some patience will get you very far with me. If that’s not working, try showing some leadership and actually work on your own side of the street. You might be surprised how often I’ll follow suit.

Instead of punishing behaviors you don’t like, try rewarding the behaviors you do like.

And PLEASE don’t mistake me for some one-time behavior I’ve exhibited. Even if I’m a jerk in one instance, try to remember all those times I wasn’t a jerk and the additional times I was a dreamy prince. One instance of being a jerk doesn’t make ME a jerk. It merely means that I was a jerk on that occasion.

You might also get some perspective. Even though I’m not perfect, who will you find that is? Is this a fight you really have to win to be happy? Is THIS the place where you want to draw the line for all time? How often do you think you get to do that before there are so many lines that I can’t move and get claustrophobic and break up in anxious and neurotic frenzy? Isn’t that kind of boundary drawing best left for the things that are really important?

And, ladies, if you think I’m the only guy you know who feels/thinks this way, you are just dead wrong. Again.