My favorite John X entry so far

Non-chronological Vienna notes:

Walking along and came to a shop selling Segways, the peculiar
two-wheeled, gyroscopically controlled personal transport vehicle. I’ve
actually seen one of these in action, one night in front of the Noble
Museum in OKC. Anyhow, it seems they now have an off-road version of this
thing, with knobby tires and perhaps a beefed up suspension. I dunno.
They’re kinda neat and I can grok the tech that went into their design,
but they cost more than my ’94 Tercel, and more than a new Vespa, and
lots more than a new bicycle, which is what I’d rely on in Vienna if I
lived here. However, if what you want to do is take a Segway tour of
Vienna, you can do so for 69 Euro, refundable if you end up buying one of
the things. It’s a 3-hour tour. (Sing along: “A three hour tour / A three
hour tour”)  More here: www.segway.at

Had lunch at an interesting resaurant across the Vienna River (a different
creek from the Danube) called Steireck, actually three restaurants in one.
The one we ate at (the cheapest) is called Meierei, and their big claim to
fame: CHEESE! They have every kind. I’d like to thank my cow, sheep, and
goat friends for the milk (and then cheese) they so kindly provide. I had
a sampler plate featuring eight of what they described as Austria’s best
cheese, along with a glass of inexpensive white wine. All the cheeses
were delicious. I’m no gourmet, so I’ll take their word for it being
Austria’s best. Another interesting thing: at the entrance they have
large posters of what looks like different slabs of marble. But you then
see that it’s really a close up of a slice of cheese, with different
blues, greens, etc. and the different textures. We ate with Brigitte’s
friends Mischi and Greta, who stopped by on their way home from work.
Their English was perfect and they were kind enough to help me with my
German when I tried. People don’t mind you being ignorant, and if you ask
for help they’re usually happy to do so. I get the feeling most Americans
won’t ask, so it’s probably refreshing for them to find an Ami who wants
to learn. Everyone kept telling me to check out the men’s room. WTF? But
nature eventually called, and it was worth the trip: the fixtures were of
colored fiberglass, in interesting shapes. For instance, the urinals
looked like the tips of huge hypodermic needles standing on end. They
were about 6 feet tall and made of green fiberglass. The sink and
adjoining trashcan were orange and yellow and shaped like flowers. I even
took pictures, the first time I was ever tempted to do so in a men’s room.
(Ladies rooms, with my hidden camera, sure. Plenty of times.) The
Stadtpark across from the restaurant is beautiful, and you can check out
their webcam here: http://www.wien.gv.at/ma42/webcam.htm

Brigitte’s sister is a union official, representing Vienna’s municipal
workers. There’s a big mess right now involving a stupid investment on
the part of a bank owned by the union, which had to cover the bad
investment with what? It’s STRIKE FUND, which had been of unknown
quantity. But now that 1) the enemy knows how much they had, and 2) a lot
of it has vanished to cover the bad deal, the union has had it’s balls
kicked hard. Unions in Europe have been a lot stronger than in America.
Their membership is starting to slide somewhat, just as it did in the
States, and this is too bad. Workers in Europe have enjoyed a greater
than living wage, generous benefits, and plenty of vacation. Of course,
businesses scream like motherfuckers with their nuts caught in a car door
that the unions are killing them, and thus are killing society, etc. but
if you come to Western Europe, it sure doesn’t look like they’re some
backwater shithole incapable of competing on the world market. Just the
opposite–they look healthy and happy. The Scandanavian countries, for
instance, have a 80 – 90% union membership and offer extraordinary social
services / benefits / safety nets, and it doesn’t look like business is
drying up there IN THE SLIGHTEST. Maybe their CEOs have to settle for
somewhat lower compensation, like, say, 200X the earnings of an average
employee instead of 2000 X, like some firms in America pay their thieves
(I mean, CEOs.) Anyhow, we went to Renate’s union offices Friday night to
watch election results, as everyone was on edge as to what those results
might be, given the investment blunder. Brigitte has patiently tried to
explain the ins and outs of union rules, politics, etc. to me but
honestly, quantum physics is easier and I’d have a better chance of
building a time machine than figuring union shit out. But it was fun
being there among a bunch of jabbering municipal workers, with a full
buffet (and I mean really delicious food — pork roast, cheese cake,
beer, wine, etc.) while everyone heard each election result and either
cheered loudly or moaned and took a swig from their beers. I kind of
regretted ordering the cheese sampler earlier in the evening, because I
could have saved about 15 Euro and pigged out at the union offices,
courtesy of the Vienna Municipal Workers Union. Ah, well. Maybe next
election.

I wouldn’t want to drive in Vienna. It’s something of a cluster fuck, what
with their different rules and lack of parking and crowded streets. Oddly
enough, though, you hardly ever see any traffic accidents. HOWEVER: on
the way to the union hall, Brigitte pulled next to a car park along the
curb. She was going to parallel park into the space behind this car. The
coast was clear. But as she back up, all of a sudden BANG! I barely had
time to shout WATCH OUT! Two guys in an identical VW Golf had come up
behind her but stopped right behind her, and she plowed into them,
breaking the parking light lens. They pulled to the corner and started to
hash things out. I sized up the two guys to see if they’d be a problem if
push came to fist-fight. Answer: No. The passenger said nothing, and I
said nothing, but B and the driver started jabbering in German and it
began to get heated. The guy blamed B, and B said it should have been
plain to him she was backing in, as she’d stopped parallel to the car in
front of the space, had her signal on, and was obviously about to back
in. (He really did come out of nowhere, but these streets can be narrow
and you can’t seem more than a few feet behind you, what with all the
parked cars, etc.) The guy waved his broken lens and suggested B remove
hers and give it to him as a replacement. (Same make and model car,
remember?) No way. So then the guy suggested they call the cops to sort
it out. Fine, says B. It was then the guy said, “Fuck it,” got back in
his car, and drove away. B later told me the driver was a Pole, and
refused to exchange insurance info. She figured he didn’t have insurance,
might have been driving a friend’s car, or perhaps was uninterested in
talking closely with the cops. In any case, he bugged out when she called
his bluff. Damage to her car: nothing. We went to the union offices and
drank our beers. No worries. I presume the Pole drove to the nearest
junkyard, looking for a turn signal lens. International relations can be
tricky.

I forgot to mention in my previous Trier blab-fest the fact that I saw in
that town (birthplace of Marx, remember): a McDonald’s, a Burger King, a
Pizza Hut, and though I didn’t see the actual store, I saw a sign for a
fucking WalMart SuperCenter! Certainly Vienna has at least 3 out of four
of these (no WalMart. Yet.) but it’s a city of almost 2 million people.
Trier is much smaller. I’ve eaten my share of fast food, and in fact do
essentially the same when I patronize one of the Turk pizza or kabob
restaurants, but Jesus Fucking Christ, does every American fast food
place have to infect every town in Europe? (Don’t get me started on
Starbucks, of which they have a few here in the town that INVENTED the
goddamned coffee house!)

They have this condiment here called Maggi, which is a liquid rather like
soy sauce in taste, but made of an herb. Unlike soy sauce, salt is the
last ingredient on the list of stuff it’s made of, which means there’s a
lot less of it. It’s considered kind of like ketchup in that it isn’t on
the table in any but average eateries, and even there is usually used
mostly in soup. But I had the obligitory wiener schnitzel today, there
was Maggi on the table, so I dropped it on each bite. DEE.LICIOUS.
Brigitte and her dad looked at me like I’d poured shit on a filet (even
though schnitzel is thought of kind of like hamburger is in the US.) I
said, “OK, I’m a barbarian, but the stuff tastes great!” If you can find
a bottle in the US, buy and give it a try. I think you’ll find it tasty.