I’m here to start a new popular movement in America.

Drunkcall Damascus.

Everyone, sometime and sooner or later, has drunk called.

You know.  It’s 3:18 a.m. and you’ve had too much to drink and you call an old girlfriend.  Sometimes you just breathe and hang up, but sometimes you give them a piece of your mind.  Sometimes you beg for a piece just for old times’ sake.  Whatever.  What you really know is that you wake up the next morning and remember it and feel dirty, skanky, guilty and full of remorse.  Sometimes you don’t remember and you get to feel all those things when the drunkcall-ee gives you a going over for waking them up at 3:18 a.m. on a Tuesday.

Well, in this case, I think President Bush has a great idea.

We need someone to call President Assad of Syria and tell him to git Hizbullah to stop this shit.  Then it’ll be all over.

Why not every God-fearing, heavy drinking American?

It will save all those drunk calls to innocent former lovers, who will get to sleep peacefully through a Tuesday night and won’t wake up the next morning cranky with all their co-workers. 

Instead of feeling guilty about drunk calling, we can wake up with a sense of patriotic pride.

Hello, operator, give me Damascus.  This is London Calling, can’t you hear the damn CD?  I’ll turn it up.  Now put that guy Haaaasssssan on the line.