I’m doing it, but begrudgingly.

My capacity for delayed gratification is inversely porportional to my vast ability to go for the impulse and the quick fix for the short term gain.

I’m really trying to be grown up.

I’m eating breakfast.  Huh?, you say.  I never have had breakfast as a regular feature of my diet.  I’m a cigarets and coffee kinda guy.  I think that’s maybe a vestigial drinking behavior, but I’m not sure and haven’t really been able to think about when I stopped eating breakfast and why, blahblahblahblogblah.

I’m eating lunch at home, making it myself and grocery shopping accordingly.  In fact, I’m eating almost all my meals at home, the Paseo Wednesday group excepted.

I’m walking around the block every morning as a way of getting exercise into my life.  I just can’t believe it.  I hate exercise and I hate sweat and I don’t think athletic garb is a good look for me.  It’s not like I’m overweight or got bad reports from the doctors in my annual checkup — au contraire!  It’s not even a f’n New Years’ Resolution.

I did not concoct some silly reason to break up with the lovely Juliet this week.  We have fun, we really care about each other and it ain’t broke, so why would I try to fix it?

There are those of you who might shake their heads about this, but I’m also back to daily prayers.  My son in law Jesse sent me some beads on a string — “worry beads”, if you will — from Iraq.  There are 65 beads.  Each night and each morning, I express my gratitude to my AA higher power for 65 blessings in my life.  If you are reading this, your name may be wearing out a bead. 

In my last post, I recorded the fact that on Monday, I cut up my credit cards.  All of them.  I haven’t had the gumption to throw away the shards, but they are cut up and in my desk.  Gulp.  I’ve been living the high life on credit for a LONG time.  I’m not even sure what will happen or how I will survive on a cash basis, but, by gum, I’m going to give it the honest try.

I go to a minimum of two AA meetings a week.  That was a New Year Resolution I’ve kept.  There’s a difference, however, in going to meetings and being sober.  While I have not had a drink, neither have I lived my life according to the principles of “The Program.”  I resist it for a variety of reasons, not the least of which is the arrogance to believe that my life cannot be reduced to a series of a dozen bumper stickers.  That whole Free Will argument with the committee in my head.  Rigorous honesty, “Easy Does It” and remembering that I’m here to help others are not my strong points ALL the time.  I’d like to be able to show some progress, knowing perfection is out of reach.

I’m doing my dead level best to act my way into a new way of thinking, Dr. Max.  I’m giving a shot at the rational life.

However, to be rigorously honest, I’m not really liking it all that much.  So far, it was more fun to dance than to pay the piper.

Well, nice talking to you folks.  Gotta go to bed now.  My new bedtime is 11 p.m. and the alarm goes off before 7 a.m. so nighty night!