As many of you know, I’m often surprised that I have not already been crowned Emperor, philosopher king and benign sovereign of the world. Confident in my ultimate destiny being fulfilled, I’ve begun to make a list of the things I’ll do once I ascend to the throne.
Today, another new law made the list.
Anyone in reverse gear in their vehicle who is also talking on a cell phone will be immediately beheaded without trial. Especially if they are pulling out in front of me at Nichols Hills Starbucks.
Earlier laws have included:
No Speedos in size larger than 42″ waist
No Spandex pants larger than ladies’ size 8
No denim skirts shorter than they are wide.
Don’t fuck with me until I’ve had a cup of coffee and a smoke
I feel confident that as the world sees what a deep thinking and benevolent kind of emperor I’d make, that I can get fitted for the purple and gold just any day.
so are you saying I should return the beautiful spandex speedo with the demin pockets??? I think they are very cute and are a size 8!
Don’t fuck with me until I’ve had some coffee and this cigaret, dammit. No, you can go bite your own self, R.J. I’m going to smoke this in peace while I drink this cup of coffee and that’s all there is to it. Now, go over there and talk to The Gary for a few minutes and leave me the hell alone.
your first coffed at 2 in the afternoon. Wow, you did sleep late!