I decided a few years ago relationships weren’t for me. I’ve tried a couple of times since then, but halfheartedly, because I already know I’m no good at it. I don’t like calling it ‘celibacy’ because for me, the connotation is that I’ve had some sort of pious vision, when in fact I’ve just gotten tired of being always on the defensive, always tiptoeing on eggshells, always wondering when I would commit the social, cultural or consumerist fuckup that, while innocuous-seeming to me, was the deal-breaker for her.
“Money quote” from MCARP’S post on 3:40 a.m.
Find the whole post here.
Man, I feel for the guy. I think lots of us are in that place. We’re just going along being our goofy selves, not perfect or anything, but doing our best to just get along and BANG! The relationship is over. We’re clueless.
One of the reasons I stopped trying to understand relationships and/or women is that I realized that sometimes it isn’t what the issue they confront you with at all. That’s just the causa bella, the excuse they are using for doing what they want to do for no reason at all or for no reason they have articulated to themselves or anyone else. Men may do this (but how would I ever know?), but I have seen women dump men and I have been dumped for what I have come to believe is the “trading up” syndrome. I think some women just think their shit is too good for you and they want someone better. It’s not a rational decision, it’s not a decision you can examine because it’s not a decision they realize they have made. Sometimes, I don’t think it’s even that. I think sometimes you get jumped for no reason at all. I don’t think they can explain it to themselves any better than they can explain it to you. It’s just the cat in them. It’s just something they do. They know it, they can’t change it and they are just OK with it thank you very much. I think I don’t understand women because they cannot be understood. I don’t think it’s for any lack of empathy or understanding or intelligence. It’s not for lack of trying. Women are simply incomprehensible.
I think we get dumped because they are tired of telling their girlfriends how great things are and want some drama to dish over the Sex in the City drinks she’s having tomorrow at 5 p.m. at the Waterford. (20 year olds)
I think they get it in their heads that we’re dissatisfied with them and are looking around and maybe they just aren’t good enough after all and boo hoo, I’ll pre-emptively dump him before he can dump me. Mind readers are the worst. They are always wrong. Then, they don’t own up to it. They started it and now they want you to take them out to dinner to make up for it. (30 year olds)
He’s just like my goddam first husband, the bastard, and I won’t make that mistake again. Well, actually, he’s nothing like my husband, I just want to punish that son-of-a-bitch one more time and this guy is the perfect stand-in because he’s handy. Maybe I’ll also feel less guilty about my divorce. (40 year olds)
I don’t want to date this man. I want to date someone younger, richer, thinner. Someone with no issues, no mother and no children. He’ll ride up in his white Mustang, dressed in a silver grey suit and wisk me away to a retirement paradise in a warm climate. My dreams are better than the men in my life. Goodbye. (50 year olds)
These are only the reasons I imagine. In reality, I think these reasons are real, but never acknowledged nor spoken by the ones who use them. And, in that sense, not real.
In the end, it’s as MCARP wisely notes: I don’t know. For me, I’ve given up trying to understand. I don’t do a good job of it. Don’t bother to tell me where I’m wrong about any of this, because I won’t understand. I won’t get it. You’ll be wrestling with a pig. You will get filthy and I’ll enjoy it. When it’s all over, I’ll still be a pig.
blogblah!!!