I went to work today and actually got stuff done.
I was pretty proud of myself and very grateful to get out of the house.
I’ve agreed to sit on the board of directors of a new non-profit foundation and I attended the organization meeting in the early evening.
Afterwards, I went to Flip’s for a salad because I’ve not had anything green to eat in several days.
That’s when I noticed my smile has changed.
Several people came into Flip’s while I sat at a table next to the West doors and many of them were attractive (and less attractive, I’ll admit) women.
I smiled as they entered.
But, it was a lips-together smile.
I used to have an automatic show of teeth smile.
I got pounded by one or another less self confident woman on more than one occasion because I’d smiled at someone while with them.
I was “flirting”, I found out.
Apparently, there are acceptable smiles and there are flirting smiles.
Who knew?
I’ve also noticed other changes.
Not all that long ago, if I saw a woman wearing nice jewelry or a nice scarf or great shoes, I’d say so.
Not any more.
Flirting.
Used to be, if I was where there was music and I had a mind to, I’d ask someone to dance.
Little did I know that asking someone to dance was just short of “Wanna kickit?” and at least a prelude to an engagement.
It’s flirtatious.
Nowadays, I just listen to the music and keep to myself.
The oddest part of all that is that I’m not dating anyone. Haven’t dated anyone in more than a year.
Now, I get it that if I walk up to you with a big smile, remark on your earrings and ask you to dance that the combination is likely a flirt, although I’ll also say that for me it’s often just a matter of I’m happy, think your jewelry is nice and would like to dance AND THAT’S IT. I still see, finally, that the combination can be interpreted as having an ulterior motive.
So, what I’d like to know from my women readers — daughters and sisters should feel included — do any of you pay attention to such details of your behavior? Are there things you don’t do around guys that seem perfectly natural, but that you avoid so as to finesse how your smile (or whatever) might be interpreted? Do you always just smile naturally or do you sometimes censor how you smile, what you say and what you do? Is it for you learned or just naturally you know what to do and what not to do in the circumstance?
And, also clothes. For a lot of reasons, I tend to be in suit and tie when almost everyone else is more casual. Does that make how I act seem more flirtatious to you? No question that a woman’s apparel can affect how men react to them. Buttoned up to the throat and skirt to the knees is different from tube top and micro-mini jeans skirt from a man’s perspective. Do women also have “rules” about how men dress? They say some women look at our shoes first. Do they? Do you?
I get some attention from some people for supposedly being a “womanizer”. That’s not at all how it feels from my insides; to me, it seems like I’m shy and clumsy when it comes to the ladies. It seems to me that having that reputation is an impediment and not an advantage. However, I don’t really know. I don’t even really know if that is my reputation. I do know that sometimes the reaction by women to me seems like voter reaction to politicians — that I’m a guy who will say or do anything to get elected but after the first Tuesday in November, I can’t be found. What, if anything, can or should I do to avoid this reaction and reputation?
I’m really asking here, ladies. As much as I’ve enjoyed being a batchelor and slumming around my house passing gas and scratching myself, it’s spring and the day will come when I will want to go out and date and look for Flibbertigibbit’s “The One”. This time, I’d like to start off on the right foot and give myself the best possible chances of meeting someone.
Not my choice for the best film of all time, but certainly my own all time favorite.
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I’m fairly unapproachable, so this isn’t much of a problem for me. This was true before I got hitched but is especially true now. I dress for myself and I don’t look around the room but at those at my table. That’s likely the problem that women have when you smile at someone else when you are with them. It’s not so much the flirting but the implication that “I’m looking around the room because you can’t keep my attention.”
Compliments or smiles or flirtations are generally welcome by all women no matter who gives them. If those behaviors invade my space, or, as Mary says, are so effusive that it makes me feel more self-conscious than complimented, then I’m annoyed. If the compliment seems insincere, then I’m skeptical. Again agreeing with Mary, if a guy is drunk, I’m going to throw that baby out with the bathwater – all rancid.
I dated Jesse because he was a slow “mover”. He is funny, engaging, inventive. He was clearly interested in what I had to say as well as how I looked. He showed me a great deal of respect. That sort of light elongated flirting courtship works for my personality. Once we started dating, he maintained his humor and interest in me, and he showed me total loyalty. Some women, I’m sure, want the whirlwind.
You are a flirt, Dad. It’s just part of who you are and those of us who know you love and appreciate that about you.
I have learned over the years to diminish my smile. Prior, I would light-up, full smile – all teeth, including direct eye contact to everyone as if they were my long lost friend. When returning to the dating world, I found you cannot do that. The men will follow you like a lost puppy and then go into a rage that you “led them on” when you were simply being the polite girl you were raised to be. WTF?! I’ve had to really differentiate my smiles in accordance to my personal interest when it comes to the male species. Therefore, it’s is nauseatingly clear when I am “in like.” I get all giddy and it’s disgusting.
Interesting you brought up this topic of censoring ourselves, because just last night at the grocery store I noticed myself barely even looking around anymore, let alone looking into a man’s eyes as I pass by. I realized I don’t even pay attention out there.
I rarely, if ever, compliment a man on how he dresses, because the last time I simply said, “Nice hat,” I was repeatedly dogged for a date. I wanted to scream, “I’m much more interested in your hat!”
Commenting on what a woman is wearing, is not flirting in my book. It IS flirting if you happen to do so in the presence of a date, however, as well as flashing a lit-up smile. BIG no-no. The point being, stay attentive and make the date all about her – at all times, AS IF she really is The One (or one of the ones).
As for the womanizer thing, I don’t see how your clothes are at all relevant. Then again, I’ve always preferred a sharp dressed man. Now, I’d be thrilled to find one without food or underarm stains. I do look at shoes, but mostly to notice the condition.
If you don’t want to be viewed as a womanizer, my advice would be to only be seen dating one woman at a time, which can be tricky if you have females in the friends category. Perhaps sending out a press release is in order?
Whatever you do, don’t ever go up to a woman and say, “Wanna kickit?” The phrase doesn’t match your suit or your shoes. Trust me.