Dear friends and family,
Got this missive from my daughter regarding my son in law who has the privilege of serving his country in Iraq. He got shipped out on his birthday in mid-Sept. As much as I hate this war and this administration, I love my son in law. Most fathers of daughters can’t believe any man is “good enough”, but this one is pretty darn good and I appreciate how much he dotes on my daughter and grandchildren. He’s a really really really smart and nice guy. Drop him a line if you find the time.
John

Holy Smokes! Jesse called last night and told me he was the only guy in his
group to get zilcho at mail call. Since I can’t seem to send out a post card,
perhaps one of you can? He should get a new address when he gets “in country”
and for that I’ll be more timely with distribution.

Here you go!

CPT Jesse A.M. Ballenger
153rd RAOC
Bldg 500B Basement
Ft. Bliss, TX 79916

Unlike a lot of people I know, I rather like my life. I work, paint, write, go to art shows and live music, I’ve started this blog and I’m working with friends who are making a film. My social life includes a small group of well-tested friends that meet regularly and share intensely and honestly about ourselves and each other — there’s an honesty about us that is borne of trust and loyalty. Tonight, we’ll meet on the Paseo, decide about dinner, eat together and a smaller group will come to my house for a movie. Tonight’s movie is “Being There”, but it could be anything and often is. I think that only boring people are bored and that there’s always something interesting to do. Or someone, he leered. Tuesday night for me was formerly “Take Out Tuesday” and included me sharing the evening with a wonderful friend and we got takeout Chinese food from a place near my house and watched something on the tube and cuddled. That’s over, sadly, and I’m trying to put together another way to behave on Tuesdays and last night was my first real test. I picked up fried chicken from Church’s, an artifact of a coffee conversation at 4:30 p.m., and ate alone in front of the computer and then watched “Finding Neverland” by myself. Late, about 10 p.m., I popped out of the house and went to Galileo’s and heard a little acoustic guitar, mandolin and harmonica music before dropping by the lovely Juliet’s house to meet the parents. YIKES!!! Dad was all about sports and baseball and Mum was looking at me with an appraising eye that was daunting and I could see her calculating the difference between 29 and 56 (relative ages) over and over and trying to make the calculus work. I got home a little after midnight. Today, I was thinking about missing my “Take Out Tuesday” and my first thought was that, without it, Tuesdays might well be boring. On second thought, it strikes me that Tuesday is like any other day/night: it’s what you make of it. I might well have gone to Heterosexual Night at the HiLo. I didn’t have to eat alone, it’s that I made no other arrangement. Moreover, considering my social schedule after 5 p.m., there’s something to be said for a quiet night of reading, painting, writing and recovering all on my own. Might that be boring? “There is nothing good nor bad but thinking makes it so,” as Shakespeare wrote.

You don’t have to like it

My friend, The Gary, told me this morning that the guy who got me excited about Barbara Olson being arrested on the Polish border with millions of counterfeit lira was not excited about my post. I understand. Later, after I posted, he brought me a printout of his source: a guy named Flocco who is supposedly an investigative journalist. It’s not like Higgins just made it up. But, gee, this Flocco person had other, equally outrageous items posted on his site, not all of which — OK, none of which — seemed to be credible TO ME. Maybe, like my cajun friend, it seems all very well and good to you to believe in giant government conspiracies to change the weather and cover up the role of space aliens in our midst. That stuff just doesn’t resonate with me. I find it very very unlikely to be true. Does that mean that there is NO evidence of the veracity of those notions? Oh, hell no. I simply find myself thinking about Occam’s Razor and coming down consistently on the side of those who don’t find it credible. (Look up Occam’s Razor for yourself, I don’t do links very well at this point. It’ll do you good.) So, disagree! Tell me where and how I’m all wrong about it. The lovely RebL has made an absolute passion out of being iconoclastic where I’m concerned. I’m always ready to be “taken to school”, most especially when I’m wrong and out in the intellectual boondocks barking up empty trees. Sorry, Mike, I just think that there are some holes in the story — starting with the fact that you’d think Ms. Olson would have Euros instead of Lira and that someone in the “mainstream” press, the New York Times, Reuters, AP, SOMEONE would have been willing to take a flyer at what would be the biggest story of the 21st Century to date. I’ve been a journalist and most of the ones I know would absolutely take the risk of assassination for a scoop of that magnitude — it couldn’t be kept a secret, not even when Rupert Murdock owns every press in sight. My experience with government employees of all types is that they CANNOT keep such a secret, much less fix the potholes, and that they just simply are not the brainy chess players of fiction and are, in fact, rather mediocre as a rule. For one thing, massive conspiracies require massive identity of interests that don’t change over long periods of time and that’s just impossible to believe. Even the undoubtedly brilliant Karl Rove finds himself with his ass in a crack over the Valerie Plame affair. Truth has a way of getting OUT! Petty jealousies and hurt feelings that generate a desire for revenge come into play. Government spooks are still people and they have emotions and they can be very self centered. Politicians have their egos. It just doesn’t wash out for me. Don’t be offended, MH; I still think you are one very swell guy. I just don’t buy everything you tell me.

THINGS STRESSED WOMEN SAY AT WORK
>
>
> >>1. Okay, okay! I take it back. Unfuck you.
>
> >>2. You say I’m a bitch like it’s a bad thing.
>
> >>3. Well this day was a total waste of make-up.
>
> >>4. Well, aren’t we a damn ray of sunshine?
>
> >>5. Don’t bother me, I’m living happily ever after.
>
> >>6. Do I look like a people person?
>
> >>7. This isn’t an office. It’s hell with fluorescent lighting.
>
> >>8. I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left.
>
> >>9. Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble wrap is cheap. You choose.
>
> >>10. Why don’t you try practicing random acts of intelligence and
>
> >>senseless acts of self-control?
>
> >>11. I’m not crazy. I’ve been in a very bad mood for 30 years.
>
> >>12. Sarcasm is just one more service I offer.
>
> >>13. Do they ever shut up on your planet?
>
> >>14. I’m not your type. I’m not inflatable.
>
> >>15. Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven’t
>
> >>gone to sleep yet.
>
> >>16. Back off!! You’re standing in my aura.
>
> >>17. Don’t worry. I forgot your name too.
>
> >>18. I work 45 hours a week to be this poor.
>
> >>19. Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.
>
> >>20. Wait…I’m trying to imagine you with a personality.
>
> >>21. Chaos, panic and disorder … my work here is done.
>
> >>22. Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.
>
> >>23. You look like shit. Is that the style now?
>
> >>24. Earth is full. Go home.
>
> >>25. Aw, did I step on your poor little itty bitty ego?
>
> >>26. I’m not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.
>
> >>27. A hard-on doesn’t count as personal growth.
>
> >>28. You are depriving some village of an idiot.
>
> >>29. If assholes could fly, this place would be an airport.
>
>

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU WEBMASTER!!!!

Dennis, you ARE the BEST!!!

One little snarky comment on my blog and he responded immediately. RebL and SuzArt are now enabled, as are you all. If you want to comment, look under “Meta” and hit “Register” and you can make all the comments you want, or so I’m told. I’m going to send out this URL so that my whole address book can look at Blogblah.

Sunday afternoon

George O and John H came by and kidnapped me for another late afternoon of filming for their movie. We got shots of me driving through my neighborhood, around Lake Hefner and soulfully smoking at the dam. Later, we got drinks at Braum’s and hit a lick there as well. Those guys are a lot of fun to hang with, but the part they have me portraying, a sort of Don Juan of Oklahoma City, has me sketchy since that’s not really who I am. By putting the focus on my lovelife and then exaggerating it, they leave out things like blogging, painting, writing, practicing law and being devoted to a group of really wonderful friends. That’s cinema, I suppose, and just shots of me struggling with a keyboard aren’t exactly the kind of action one wants in a film. On the other hand, I’ve already got enough trouble with my daughter and others about my dating attitudes and my “rep” as a ladies’ man is already an obstacle to me meeting and having a relationship with women of appropriate age and stage of life. Ah, well, no doubt the universe unfolds as it should.

The Gary

One of my friends, The Gary, is just flat the goodest guy to know and care about ever. I’m not going to wax eloquent, but one thing he does is host a bunch of us at his pool, as he did yesterday. Maybe 10 or so of us gathered there for a little conversation, a little dish of the 12 X 12 and its attendees, and a roundup of current doings by each of us, checking in with friends. The Gary is the consummate host not only to those of us he regards as close friends, but also to our four-legged companions, of which three guarded us from all evil squirrels and birds as well as each other. The smallest of the dogs, Hannah, was, of course, the most fierce. It’s the best deal in town — access to a private pool without having to skim it and check the chlorine and iced tea brought poolside to boot.

I can’t seem to figure out how to let RebL and SuzArt log on and comment, but I’m sure working on it, even if RebL is upset about something I’ve written and wants everyone to know she’s much more funny than I’ve portrayed her. And, of course, she’s right as rain. SuzArt is also funny and no doubt has things to say that would be “helpful” in a nuclear war kind of way. Ladies, my abject apologies. I am really doing my best to get it fixed ASAP. Webmater Dennis! Front and Center! No more lame excuses. We want action YESTERDAY!!!

The Social Whirl

Went to the 12 X 12 show last night in Bricktown. Glittering, as always. I took tickets at the door for my volunteer duties and so I could see all the bods in gladrags go by and meet and greet The Gang of 500 that attends such events.

First up was Dr. K_____ W_____ (name withheld to protect the innocent), stunning in her red full length dress and shawl. I saw her early on in the evening and even though she’s an X and I’m still hurt and mad at her, for some reason I couldn’t stand to see her standing alone in front of the UCO jazz band and took her in my arms and danced with her for a moment. K, I still love you and miss you and I still pray for the willingness to get over it.

Brooks Tower, master of mosaic, and his S.O., the gorgeous, brilliant and very tall Deb 2000, were there celebrating the fact that they had just been notified that they had won a Ford Focus. We ARE the whirled, Brooks. Congratulations.

Have I mentioned that I just adore Julia Kirk of OVAC, who corralled me into the gig?

Diane Glenn was there, but I’m irked at her for failing to fawn over and kiss me even though she knows I think she’s terrific.

George Oswalt was there with his bride, Debbie Allen. He had a lovely submission called “Costa Rica”, commemorating their recent honeymoon in the tropics.

John Brandenberg and his S.O. appeared, making the second night in a row I’d seen him as a result of also running into him at JRB Art on the Paseo where a full room of his work is hanging this month.

Partied briefly with SuzArt and her escort, the always dapper The Gary. They arrived late, but with effect.

Lawyers were everywhere, including Bill Bleakley and Doug Parr and John Mc and Garvin Issacs, who had submitted a nicely realized portrait as his 12X12.

I stood at the doorway for a time with David LeCrone II, who promises me he will send some of his visual art work to me by email. Nice to meet you, David. Get with it!!

My faux adopted daughter, Adrienne Nobles, also from UCO was flitting about being competent and didn’t believe me when I told her I thought she was the best looking woman in the room, but it’s a matter of taste and I can decide for myself who I think is beautiful. Just like a faux adopted daughter to be a willful child. Her constant companion from work, Lori, was also there, but disappeared from my view as quickly as she showed up.

Margaret Walsh and Bill Struby — HI guys! Friday night dinner and Sat. night art show? People will talk — were there and I really liked Bill’s red dog submission because it was funny and bright.

Mara and Clint were there and what a fine, dark dark dark couple they make.

Michael Hoffner, dressed in his de rigeur black, towered over his companions, neck craning to focus his trendy glasses all around, presumably to ward off the dangers of appearing in public.

In knots all over the room were the models, photogs, hairdressers and makeup artists from Elastic Cafe, but the redoubtable Juliet Hutton, head of the agency, was no where to be found. I finally tracked her down interviewing another new male model (Hi, Nathan, glad to meet ya) at a dead dead dead Flip’s. It was wonderful to spend my afterparty with Juliet but she does keep late hours and tortures me with her unavailability.

I don’t want the above to indicate that Flip’s is “over”. It was dead because last night was also the opening of Nova, the new restaurant on Western that’s gone in between VZDs and Sushi Neko. The word I get is that Nova is part of the Deep Fork people and that the owners want to use the place as a springboard for a TV show. ???? The red velvet rope was brought out for the opening and that’s a new twist for Western eateries.

I almost forgot that I saw Lexi and Nick last night and how nice it was to catch up with old friends from my Heritage Hall days. Lexi is more beautiful than ever and Nick is healing up a hurt foot suffered in a rooftop knife fight. It’s his story and he’s sticking to it, whether it makes sense to you or not. I hope someday that Lexi gets brave enough to let people see her artwork. It’s exciting and I think she’s one of the most talented young painters in Oklahoma City, but she’s shy and hates to let go of her “babies”.

RANT

Today, I shall have words with my friends who own Galileo’s and Isis. The bartender at Isis last night charged me nearly $20 for a Kier Royal made with one of those excremental little cans of Sophia champagne. He tried to put the concoction in a martini shaker and martini glass!!!! I paid the tab because there’s no sense arguing with a bartender overwhelmed with last call tabs and I know his feet had to hurt and blah blah blogblah. Nevertheless, Sandy will get an earful from me later today.

Michi Susan at JRB

Michi Susan’s work at JRB opened Friday. I just absolutely adore her work. For that matter, I adore the artist. Anyway, she has some very brightly colored large works showing that use a textured technique with oil that really works for me in addition to her heavily Asian influenced “Poem” series that I would gobble up by the wallfull had I the pocketbook to match my tastes and avariciousness. Someone needs to say how good a job Joy R B is doing with that gallery and how much it contributes to the Paseo. Kudos.

Erika West

I spent Friday night in the company of a woman whose blog/net personna is Erika West. Do you know the phrase “s/he had me at hello”? I picked her up about 7 p.m. and she came down the stairs in a black and white outfit that floored me. Strappy little Joan Crawford “fuck me” pumps. Her hair was flowing down across her shoulders darkly and her light eyes shown out electricly. YUM!!!! We did the JRB show quickly (we were behind the curve set by the rest of the crowd) and “Erika” had really insightful, interesting things to say about the art that set me a-quiver because there’s so little of that around. We went to dinner at Flip’s with a few others and shared the always good lobster ravioli. I knew I wasn’t the only one stunned by how great she looked when I noticed all the dawgs at the table yapping everytime she opened her mouth. I hope to see more of her, but her schedule is killer — she teaches 10 (ten!) adjunct classes at several local colleges and works 12 hour days at times. Maybe it’s my Age of Aquarians.

lazy gene kicks in

I’ll write more later of a more public and political vein, but I’ve just been overcome by my lazy gene and have gone lax.

Mid-day Musings

OK, the next religious right person who tells me that these hurricanes are about God punishing New Orleans for being decadent is going to be bitch slapped summarily. Of course, since they also don’t believe the science of global warming, I guess they have to give God the blame. Ignoring facts, like evolution, seems to be the hallmark of a significant part of our population here in Oklahoma City.

More about dating

Part of the trouble about dating has to do with “The Rules”. What ARE the rules for dating when one is over 40? It seems like everyone I date has a different set of “rules” and that’s OK, we should all set our own boundaries. The trouble is that I don’t know the rules until I break one. I think it should be a “rule” that everyone has to type out a sheet of their rules and the precedents and reasoning and interpretations and hand them out before the first date. Maybe some sort of mandatory checklist form: “Do you kiss on (pick one) first date? second date? third date? never? always?” That sort of thing. Other rules might be: “Listen politely while I savage my ex husband but never comment because I still love the low life bastard.” Or, maybe, “I know that my teenaged child at home is impossible, but never ever complain or I will kick your ass out so fast your head will swim.” Lately, to generalize horribly, the rule I tend to run into is this one: “You can never know the rules; I never have to follow the rules; your failure to love this idea is fatal to our relationship.” I hate dating, so just shoot me.

This one is gender neutral and drives me out of my mind: “I don’t know what I want, but I don’t like this.”

I have a date tonight with a woman I’ve never taken out before and I’m anxious and fearful, to tell the truth. Some of my angst is undoubtedly reflected here.

Friday morning

My friend Mike Higgins just got me all excited by telling me that the wife of the U.S. Solicitor General, Ted Olsen, was NOT killed in the plane that went down on 9/11 when it crashed into the Pentagon, but was found alive along the Polish border in possession of millions of dollars in counterfeit Italian Lira and was to be charged with obstruction of justice in the deaths of 3,000 Americans. “Look it up on the internet,” he told me, “it’ll be all over the news.” I looked and found nothing whatsoever. But all those slugs at the Red Cup will walk away believing the story and another urban myth will spread.

women

My daughter tells me that the attitude I express about women in an earlier post is all wrong and that all the women in my life — mother, 3 sisters, daughter, grand-daughter — and any “nice” woman who reads this blog will be offended. She asks if I want my grand-daughter to be told that I’m a “womanizing pig”. Bring it, child.

My bad attitude is not about women. My bad attitude is about dating. It’s a Quixotic quest at my age (56). It’s not like being in school where you are exposed to a lot of people who are your approximate intelligence and social and economic class and with whom you are having a common experience. It’s meeting other people my age who have been through marriages, child rearing, rehab, and who knows what else. At my age, people have baggage and that’s just a fact of life. As a result, there’s not only the issues that come up between any two people about politics, religion and sex and so forth, there’s also issues of single parenting, 12 Step programs, and a lot of getting frozen into habits of living that might not be as easily changed at my age as they are at age 18-25.

I’m at the home of Dennis W., meta-super-uber-web-master learning how to do this crap and he tells me that after I go through all the business of writing this, we’re just going to erase it. Blogblahblogb lahblogblah!!!

9:18 p.m., back at home…

Never got to the part where we erased the above. Couldn’t figure out how to embed my picture, either. At least we got me online and started.

random thought about my personal life

Since I know no one will read this with the possible exception of Dennis, I’ve had women on my mind lately, and I’m pretty sick of ‘em. I have a date with a new woman Friday and if something really spectacular doesn’t happen, I think that’ll be my last date for the foreseeable future. Oddly, dating isn’t worth it even to get laid. Never thought I’d have that thought. Inconceivable. (Interesting word choice for a discussion of sexual abstinence, don’t you think?).

In the “Things that make you go Hmmmm” category and Journalism subcategory

Watched a plane make an emergency landing at LAX tonight and the front wheels went fiery and the plane skidded to a halt and all 140 passengers got off like nothing happened. Watching the CNN video at Flip’s made me think that this was a kind of benign cross between the slow chase of O.J. and watching those planes fly into the towers. The wierd thing about it is that I wonder why we’re seeing that and not combat footage out of Baghdad. I mean, there must be some big plane making an emergency landing every single day someplace in the world. This one gets on TV just because it’s in L.A. WTF???? OK, but it doesn’t help us have a better understanding of our world. It’s easy to see how some media conspiracy theorists can get whacko ideas about the news biz.

calendar item

I’ll be up on the Oklahoma City Museum of Art roof tomorrow (Thurs., 22 Sept. ’05) about 6-7 p.m., and then going to dinner afterward. Seems like something came after that, but I can’t think of it right now.

Thanks, Dennis!!!

Thanks, old friend, for getting me started on this … I think … yeah…maybe… . Well, thanks for all the attention you paid me during your “vacation” in all events.