MindOverMary insists I make a new blog entry since she’s read the last one “about 400 times.”  I always do what my little sis tells me.

In fact, I’m thinking about having some new calling cards made up that say “I think you are really cute but can’t date you until you’ve been approved by my sister.  Please contact her at _____.  Send photos and resume, including complete sexual and romantic history, for fastest reply.”

Hey,it would work as well as what I’ve done in the past and couldn’t be worse.

I’ve been thinking about the current blog entries by Nina and MCARP. 

Everything they say, I have great sympathy and identify with.

BUTT

I don’t think I want to take all the responsibility for all the disasters in my love life.  I certainly played my part.  However, I’ve had relationships fail for reasons that were outside my control.  Failures for reasons that had far less to do with me than them.  At least twice, I’ve offered couples counseling to a woman with whom I wanted to save the relationship and been turned down — what else am I supposed to do?

Yes, I’m flawed and could do a better job.  I expect any woman mature enough to date me to have some flaws and baggage and I don’t expect them to get perfect just because they date me.

I don’t think it’s productive to focus exclusively on the problems of dating and the pain of breaking up.  This must be balanced with the joys of cuddling and companionship and the other good parts of being in a couple.

I’m fiing my tax returns and payin out a few grand today.  This would be less painful if I didn’t honestly believe this administration were so completely bloated with second tier minds, third tier competence and first rate ideologues.  Impeach Cheney, then Bush.

I was overstimulated Saturday by Debster’s Socrates Cafe. The discussion was on wisdom, a pet issue for me as some of you know.  Back in the 19th Century, a guy named Herbert Spencer looked at Darwin and tried to apply the lesson of natural selection to society and came up with Social Darwinism.  Didn’t work.  Saturday, we heard something of the same, Einstein’s lesson of relativity applied to philosophy.  I still don’t buy it, but I was in a minority of one (maybe two).

I’m trying to write a new bit of fiction I’m temporarily calling The Gospel of Sinatra about how religion might look to my cat.  “In the beginning, John created the inside and the outside.”  I’m having fun with it and if it goes anywhere, I’ll let you know.

Wine and Women.  Buy the DVD.  Mindovermary, heads up!  I’m sending you a copy.

Just saw the wine and women DVD done by the Oz and John X and it’s wonderful.

I knew most of the women, but they still blew me away.

It’s a documentary and a work of art at the same time.

Go right now to PossibilityX dot com and buy that sucker.  Really.  You won’t be disappointed.  At $5, it’s worth at least as much as the price of a Big Mac combo and it won’t blow you up like a zeppelin to watch it.  You can watch it while you’re on the treadmill, you won’t notice the oxygen burn in your thighs.

better yet, down your own bottle of vino while you laugh and cry and respond to the 14 swozzled women give off the cuff answers to 20 questions. 

Very interesting to juxtapose a variety of women of different ages — from 20s to 60s, the answers to some questions change.

They want too much, expect too much, especially of themselves, and they are hard on themselves.  Yet, they hate competitive women.  It’s why I love women.

They despise defining themselves in terms of the men in their lives, but seem compelled to do so repeatedly.  Quel surprise!  Women are also conflicted.

Dear Lord, how many of these women I love!  I adored almost all of them that I knew, already, but if it’s possible to fall in love with a group, I did so.  Flawed, human, conflicted, proud, damn smart, nuturing, blunt and coy, I loved them.  It’s the genius of the filmmakers to make us fall in love with them.  If nothing else, there will be several you say to yourself:  I wish she was my friend, I’d like to know her better.

You can tell I’m enthusiastic about this project by my two friends, but maybe it helps if I say it recalls the Diane Keaton project “Heaven,” if anybody else in the world saw that small film a few years ago.

Really.  Support this project.  This is a good film and you should buy it and see it.

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turns to thoughts of love,” so the poet tells us.

Just in time to revive the love, sex and relationships discussion, the New York Times provides a trio of studies about the sociology, evolutionary biology and hormonal effects on humans of love and sex and dating.

In this article, research on internet and speed daters shows men are desperate and women are damn picky.  In a room of 50 women, a man will survey for his bottom line in physical attraction and be attracted and want to date as many women in the room who meet or exceed his individual “line”.  women have as many as 45 criteria and in a room of 50 men may choose few or none.  One of the more interesting findings:  three men, one six foot, one 5’8″, one 5’2″, a woman may choose any one of the three, but the 5’8″ guy must make $146,000 per year more than the taller man in order to be chosen and the 5’2″ guy needs a quarter million a year more to overcome his stature deficit vis-a-vis the 6 footer.  The notion in the article is that we all sift by flaws and not by desireable qualities.

In a second article, researchers looked at sexual desire and found it universal, but highly diverse:

definitions of sexual desire can be as quirky and personalized as the very chromosomal combinations that sexual reproduction will yield.

…

A plethora of new findings, however, suggest that the experience of desire may be less a forerunner to sex than an afterthought, the cognitive overlay that the brain gives to the sensation of already having been aroused by some sort of physical or subliminal stimulus — a brush on the back of the neck, say, or the sight of a ripe apple, or wearing a hard hat on a construction site and being surrounded by other men in similar haberdashery.

In a series of studies at the University of Amsterdam, Ellen Laan, Stephanie Both and Mark Spiering demonstrated that the body’s entire motor system is activated almost instantly by exposure to sexual images, and that the more intensely sexual the visuals, the stronger the electric signals emitted by the participants’ so-called spinal tendious reflexes. By the looks of it, Dr. Laan said, the body is primed for sex before the mind has had a moment to leer.

In other words, we just think we make a choice about who we want sex with when we really are just rationalizing the choice our bodies have already made.

That’s not enough to chew over, however, and the NYT bombards us with yet a THIRD study about the battle of the sexes.  Turns out we’re more hard wired by nature and nurture plays a distinctly second fiddle.  Also, it seems that men have their sexual orientation determined in the womb but women, ehhh, not so much.  Seems almost all women have a little to a lot of lesbian in them, and although they may take clues from culture and never act upon it, women can be aroused by images of men, women, men and women, women with women, men with men, a diamond necklace.

OK, that last part was just humor.

Enjoy!

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I’m very frustrated and I’m not sure why.

I speculated on another board that everyone  I know just needs to get good and laid and get over it.

That’s an expression of my frustration.

I’m grasping at straws.

I actually believe I’m on the cusp of something.  My “7” years have always been more important than my “0” years for some reason.  May have something to do with graduating high school at age 17 or just some superstitious belief in the number itself.

I’m actually the one who is most frustrating me.

I’ve felt all year that something was coming.  something about me is changing.  As time has passed since last July (actually June, before my birthday), I’ve had a heightened sense of anticipation.

I won’t go through the history, but a great many “exciting” things have happened to me at various stages of my life in those months of June and July  —  not all of them so pleasant at the time.

This year, I’m trying to keep my cool.  I’ve created serene environments.  I’ve read books of what is regarded as wisdom and spirituality.

I’ve had some devastating romantic failures in springtime and my answer this year is to avoid the possibility by having no current intense romantic ties.  I’ve not had a date by design for some time now.  I’ve done my best to work through those past relationships and clear all those decks of detritus, jetsam and flotsam.

I have some money put back this year so that the 15th of April is not going to be another financial crisis.

I take my meds and have had a thoroughgoing medical workup as late as this time last year with other checkups since then.  I even have health insurance this year.

I go to my AA meetings and don’t mess with what sobriety I have.  I consider not drinking a gift and a blessing and a return to drinking has no appeal to me — I won’t dishonor that gift, God willing.

You see, this year, I’m hoping for a blessing.  I believe that most of what people call “luck” (or even fate or destiny) is really someone’s hard work to develop opportunities to succeed. 

I’m trying to learn my lessons and not need another. 

Meanwhile, I’ve got this psychic “itch” I can’t scratch.

My animal within is reacting to Spring.  All these weather fronts coming through are frothing my hormonal balance. 

I’m boring myself senseless.

I’m having lengthy conversations with a bloody house cat.

I’m listening to Delilah, fer goodness sakes!

I’m tired of the same old songs again. 

I’m chafing.

I’m champing at the bit.

It’s like my very soul has piles and scabies and head lice and just can’t stop fidgeting.

I live with abundance and want for absolutely nothing.

I don’t really know for what I would wish as a blessing.  My first impulse is the powerball jackpot, but you know I’m not so sure that would be the blessing I imagine: it’s a devil’s bargain for me to have too much money.

Speaking of devil’s bargains, my next impulse would be to have that forever woman in my life.  Again, John, be careful what you pray for.

I think maybe health is my best bet, but that means giving up my smokes.  I’m being a baby about it.  I mean a real, temper tantrum throwing baby about it.  Many of you know I’ve been trying unsuccessfully and that drives fissures into my self esteem and grrrrrrrrr.  I’m grinding my teeth over it at night and … throwing tantrums.

i can’t write any more.  I have to stop and have a smoke.

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“That is the natural disposition of the sex, said Don Quixote, to disdain those who adore them, and love those by whom they are abhorred.”

Thou shalt not enter a kitchen without a feline supervisor.  Just in case you spill something or feed something or get near a cabinet or something, you know.

WOMEN:  In a room full of men with whom you would like to chat, have a drink, dance, think about going home with, you will be cockblocked from all of them by the one man who really makes your skin crawl.

Discuss.

MEN:  What is that reeeallly cute chick doing with that total loser?

Discuss

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“…(T)he poverty of the human intellect expresses itself in an abundance of language.  Inquiry is is more loquacious than discovery.  Demanding takes longer than obtaining and the hand that knocks is more active than the hand that receives.”

Saint Augustine

I said I was out of emo mode, but I do think I must clarify something.

There were times I said there was no man like that, ladies, and to get over it.

Upon reflection, I think that’s likely wrong.

I think the men “like that”, however, are already married to someone else or they are gay and living with their mothers or they’ve been so fucked over by one of Westika’s bitches that they never again want to go out on another date, ever.

Or maybe they are just in hiding and can’t be found.

I add that last one because I think a lot of women are hiding and can’t be found.  I think they get into their mother role raising children or career woman hard charging at a job and they forget about a social life.  They are home, at work or with the kids (garden, horses, whatever).  Maybe they go to church, but picking up women at church seems as problematic as picking up women in bars.

Just guessing, there are also guys like that.  Perfectly ordinary but stand up guys, but they just don’t know what to do and they never go anyplace they can meet a teriffic woman.

Thus, the internet, but it’s so full of the posers and desperate, it’s a needle in a haystack.  Many of the good ones, both sexes, are even hidden on the ‘net.  Sad.

 All of us want love and many of us want to love someone else even more.  And, we can’t seem to get together and be happy. 

Well, let the games begin.  The Divine Comedy. 

Working on mysteries without any clues

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