A Bird Pooped On My Head
Although Jesse and I are both unemployed, we managed to swing a new Mac Book and a shiny red Jeep. After using my new Mac Book to finish a laborious proposal to fund the position I wish I had and then jumping in the shiny red Jeep with my recently heroed husband, a bird pooped on my head. And here I go again with my fantasy/reality struggle.
In the fantasy, a bird poops on your head and it..s good luck. The reality is that you have to wash your recently ..done.. do. What..s lucky about that? The fantasy of the shiny red Jeep with the top down is pretty much busted at that point too. The promise of employment and a flashy computer fade into oblivion once a bird poops on your head.
Not long ago, Jesse and I witnessed a maintenance wife in her shiny black Cadillac Escalade. On every level, a well-coiffed, well-appointed trophy wife is the ultimate fantasy for both men and women. The reality is that she was driving with Playtex gloves on to protect her manicure from the inky residue of the papers she was slinging out the window of that shiny black Cadillac Escalade.
What a cruel joke. God gives us everything we ask for and then we ask for more. ..Ask, and it shall be given you… For every one that asketh receiveth… Or what man is there of you, whom if his son ask bread, will he give him a stone? Or if he ask a fish, will he give him a serpent?.. (Matthew 7:7ish if I must proof text). In His infinite wisdom, He imbeds karmic contingencies for which we did not plan.
I get it. I..m a parent. I want to indulge my children. Even so, sometimes my spoiled kids insist they can go to school without a coat and I comply only for them to realize that the tank-top/sandal option isn..t all that comfortable when it..s cold outside. I allow them to find out for themselves that a moment of sunscreen in the eye is preferable to a blistering burn. But, come on, God. Give me a break. How about this? I accept the nomination to Vestry and you give me a full-on fantasy with no caveats for no less than time served.
Oh, crap. Did I just bring about a new contingency? Shit. Why did Jesus command me to ask when he knew how tricky his dad is? Seriously, asking things from God has to be harder than being president. Maybe that..s how Bush got himself in so much trouble. Maybe Bush got caught up in his fantasies and the collateral damage resultant of his askething bit us all in the ass. Okay, having a bird poop on my head isn..t as bad as starting a civil war.