Monthly Archives: March 2007

A different view

A.O. Scott, reviewing the movie “300” for the New York Times, absolutely hated it for lots of the same reasons I liked it.  You can read his review here.

He’s wrong, in my opinion, but he’s also funny in that snarky kind of way that film reviewers sometimes have.

 

Chris Rock said …

Life Magazine asked Chris Rock if America was ready for a black president like Obama and he replied: “America’s ready for a retarded president, why wouldn’t it be ready for a black president?”.

I think that’s funny.

Andrew Sullivan calls “300” the most gay movie of all time.  He’s gay and it’s funny if you read the column as I do.  Anyway, I’ll admit the screen fills with beautiful men.  It’s hard to describe a horrific slaughter like the  Battle of Thermopalae as gorgeous, but this film is really wondrous visually.  300 lean and muscled up men in capes and thongs.  Damn.  I think of myself as very darn straight, but wow.  And how Freudian do you have to be to recognize swordplay and big thick spears as just a bit on the phallic side?  And, as I’ve heard him described elsewhere, the guy who plays Xerxes looks like an ultra pierced Eurotrash club fag in this role.  But(t), you know, I didn’t think about any of that while I watched.  I was “into” this movie almost like Starwars in 1977.  I just flat willingly suspended my disbelief.  I think it had something to do with going to see this one by myself at an “off” hour in a huge, but almost empty auditorium.  No kids, no cellphones, no scratches on the film, no distortion in the speakers, no sound from the theatre next door.  It was such a delight that I was glad, even eager, for a good popcorn chomping old fashioned good guys-bad guys melodrama.  It is no doubt brutal and violent, in a graphic novel blood splashing way.  After all, most Greek stuff is brutal and violent and this is a myth/legend about a bloody historical event.  It’s literally “theatrical”.  Dignity, Honor, Valor, Bravery, Romantic notions all, I agree.  Patriotism, the last refuge of scoundrals.  Still … it’s comforting, I suppose, to think for awhile that those ideals, those virtues, might really exist.

blogblah!!!

P.S. I’ve been posting comments everywhere as “anonymous” without thinking to sign the posts.  sorry.  If there’s sumpin’ stupid, it’s likely me.

bb

 

"Plastic" women

Not too long ago, I posted about a controversy at a small college at which the National Delta Zeta sorority came in and chased away all the “sisters” who were overweight, of color or handicapped.  The local sorority girls got their panties in a wad and called their Indiana Univ. sisters “plastic” blondes.  Now, the whole sorority is off campus and there’s a national debate about sororities.

“Plastic” is, as most of you know, also a phrase used to describe credit cards as well as women with good looks but no brains.  Most “plastic” women, one may suppose, rely heavily on their “plastic” to maintain their unelastic lifestyles.

As has been well documented here, it was only last summer that I made my move to get “plastic” out of my life.  I radically rearranged my finances and lifestyle to leave the credit card culture behind and keep nothing but a paid up Amex and a paid up Texaco/Shell card.

I hereby also give up “plastic” as in women as well.

For me, many women have much in common with my addiction to credit cards.  They are very handy to have about.  They are very good for instant gratification of a moment’s impulse.  They can provide a very entertaining weekend.

But, OH, the payback is a bitch.  (pun intended)

The higher the interest, the more difficult it is on the back end.

Of the deal, that is. 

I’ll leave those of you so inclined, declined or reclined to continue the pun … er … fun.

blogblah!!!

Hold on to your retirement

It might not be quite so good after today’s drop of 200 points in the Dow.

Elsewhere, President Bush kept expectations low for his tour of Latin America, telling reporters, “I never got good grades in Latin.”

 

Lighthearted

The world can be a pretty amusing place if you just look at it from the right angle.

Some of you know I’ve been searching for wisdom and attending the Debster’s Socrates Cafe and even reading in the Quran (Yes, Deb, an English translation, but it’s still dense). Here’s the perfect antidote:

 

Monty Python’s Philosopher’s Song

 

Enjoy!  Have a great day or I’ll … I’ll … Well, I don’t know what I’ll do, especially if you’ve got a foot the size of a cantelope with toes.

Post script to John X: I can’t decide between the 3 “nuns” and the Ottoman looking character with the wide mouth.  I’ll take Ottoman for $400.  The rest of you can find out what I’m talking about at MindTurds.

Israel recalls naked envoy

The state of Israel has ordered one of its ambassadors to return home from Central America after he was found naked except for BD/SM bondage equipment.  He was unable to identify himself to local authorities at first because of a ball gag.

Read the full BBC story here.

 

shut up

I’m very shut down and shut off. 

I’m amazed at how alienated and emotionally unavailable I’ve become.

I hate “Spring Forward” weekend more than any other weekend of the year.

I think it’s time to see about adjusting my meds.

Pukefest

Former speaker of the house Newt Gingrich admits to James Dobson in a show to be broadcast today that, yes, he was having an extramarital affair during the time he was prosecuting the Clinton impeachment.  Read the Associated Press story here.

OK.  Newt is an ethically challenged American.  He married his high school Geometry teacher and had an affair and divorced her for a woman 20 years younger, who he told he was going to divorce while she was in hospital recovering from cancer surgery.  He chased out Jim Wright, Demo speaker, for a book deal ethics rap and then went under as speaker on just about the exact same ethics charges.

I’m not surprised Newt was having an affair.  I’m not even surprised he was doing so during the Clinton impeachment.  I always thought between Henry Hyde’s 40 year old “youthful indescretion” and the natural inclination of politicians to wanderlust that the whole GOP tut-tut attitude toward Clinton and Monica was strictly show for the faithful. 

No, what makes me want to puke is Newt’s insistence that he isn’t a hypocrite.

Will Men Become Obsolete?

A certain synergy erupted on my blogs today.  There seems a cosmic connection between John X’s MindTurds here and Nina’s Flibbertigibbet here.

Nina is all about raunch vs. lovemaking while on her way to the Rick Springfield concert in her 80s vintage Tee Shirt.  John X is agog with a new techno product.  In my mind, they merge.

As John X says:  “why didn’t I invent THIS“?

Unintended humor?  The price on this product is $69.00.

No kidding.

The product tester said she liked using hip hop with its strong beat best, but I’m thinking 1812 Overture and Beethoven’s 5th would be good substitutes. 

Meanwhile, I’m in LUV with ChillyMamma (who blogs here), a frequent Flibbertigibbet contributor.  She’s funny, smart and lives in Colorado and that’s all I really know, but VA-VA-VOOM, her writing goes to my head.

A pet peeve

so, I’ve got this pet peeve and I’ve got to get it off my chest.

There is a difference, dear ones, between an “excuse” and an “explanation”.

You’re sitting in a bar, waiting and waiting and waiting and the person you were supposed to meet 45 minutes ago comes breezing in all apologetic.  I’m sorry, they say, but I was in a business meeting and it was very important and I got caught in traffic.

This is an explanation.  It is not an excuse.  I may understand your explanation, but I don’t have to be sympathetic, I don’t have to like it and I don’t have to excuse it.  It was the late person’s problem.  They stacked meetings too close together and didn’t take life into account.  Traffic is ALWAYS a bitch.  Meetings ALWAYS drone on.  That’s why I understand.  I have no sympathy, however.  Essentially, you’ve just told me that I’m playing second fiddle to whoever and whatever you had going on before me.  Now you want my pardon and understanding and sympathy?  Fuck that.

Now, if you come in and tell me that on your way to meet me that a big hunk of blue ice fell from a plane up above and crashed through your windshield, now THAT’s an excuse!  It means that something happened that you couldn’t avoid and couldn’t plan for.  Act of God and unavoidable delay.  You’d best have a hole in your window and a smelly wet spot in the front seat, just to make it look good, but if that happens, I sympathize and excuse your tardiness.

In the first example, though, you could have said “sorry. gotta leave.  have another appointment.  hold that thought and we’ll talk again tomorrow.”  It might be inconvenient and uncomfortable and even awkward.  Nevertheless, you can do it and people do just that all the time. 

How about this one?  Excuse or explanation?

“I missed work because my boyfriend dumped me and I spent the night crying and sharing a few bottles of wine with my girlfriends and just couldn’t get out of bed this morning after I slept through the alarm.”

Well, if you’d come to work on time but in a very rotten mood, your boyfriend’s unexpected dumping would be an EXCUSE.  You, however, controlled your response to that and you could have had wine with your girlfriends another night and just prayed and read the Bible last night instead of getting drunk, so your reason for missing work this morning is only an EXPLANATION and I don’t have to like it and you are fired.

This does not just apply to suiting up and showing up when and where you promise you’ll be.  It also applies to money.

“I know I promised to pay the rent on the first of the month and that it’s the 10th and I still haven’t paid, but I had to pay the electric bill or they were going to cut off the lights.” 

Explanation and not excuse.  You are evicted.  Yeah, I understand we get blindsided by the electric bill in the summertime especially and that you can’t live a decent life without lights.  However, your explanation means the landlord must find another way to pay HIS light bill.  I’m not sympathetic.  It’s no excuse.  Next time, do better planning and saving.  Let this be a lesson.  Explanations are not a good substitute for performance of promises.

I think a large number of people say to themselves (in a mostly inarticulate way): “you know, if everything works out the way I’ve planned and everyone does exactly what I expect them to do and I have a very tiny bit of luck, then I really can keep this promise.”

WRONG!

Murphy’s law.  Everything will not go as you plan.  Everyone will not do exactly as you want them to do.  Your luck will routinely fail.  When you then explain to me that your plans were upset and people flaked out on you and you had a bit of bad luck, hellfire and damnation, I understand.  Things don’t go right for me, either.  People don’t always do what I want them to do.  I’ve certainly had my share of bad luck.  I really really really understand, I do.  But, it’s no excuse.  It’s just bad planning.  Shut up, take the consequences and next time say to yourself:  “if everything goes awry, can I still keep this promise?”  If the answer is “No!”, then don’t make the promise.

When you make a promise and don’t keep it, it’s dishonest and insulting.  Your explanation is a pretty wrapping for your dishonesty and it hides the insult, but it’s still dishonest and disrespectful.

An excuse is actually pretty rare.  It means that something happened over which you could exercise no control and could not plan for the circumstance.  It doesn’t just mean that events took YOU by surprise.  If you’re oblivious and stupid and don’t plan ahead, every single day is a freakin’ surprise.  No, you don’t get rewarded for stupidity.  One suspects the dumped girlfriend who couldn’t make it to work might also be just a little bit on the oblivious side.  Few of us get dumped without any warning.  I gave her the benefit of the doubt on that one.  the rest of her explanation, as before, is just blah blah blah.

“I forgot”.  Understandable explanation.  We all have brain farts and forget.  Now, off with your head and next time write yourself a note.

This brings me to the second part of this pet peeve.

No matter how lame the explanation, the giver of explanations is absolutely positively guaranteed to whine about consequences.  What do you mean I’m fired for missing work?  I told you my boyfriend dumped me!  It’s not FAIR!!!  What do you mean I’m evicted?  I told you they were going to cut off the lights!  It’s not FAIR!!!  Why are you pissed about me being 45 minutes late?  I told you I was in a meeting!  It’s not FAIR!!!

Shut the fuck up.

having to take the consequences of failing to perform on your promises is nothing but fair.  You just don’t like it.  You are not supposed to like it.  It’s supposed to be a negative consequence.  The person you promised to work for, pay rent to or meet for a drink has already paid a negative consequence because they relied on your promise.  Now, they must be even better planners to adjust to your failure to keep your word.  What in hell makes you think it’s not fair for YOU to take the consequence of your failure and for the person who took you at your word to have to pay the consequence when they did NOTHING WHATSOEVER wrong.  They kept their promise and should pay the consequence and you didn’t keep your promise and should get a free ride?  THAT’S your idea of fair?

Shut the fuck up.

Each of us make many promises every single day.  Everytime you buy something with a credit card, you’ve made a promise to repay.  Every workday is a promise that you will benefit the company and their promise to pay you a given wage or salary.  Marriages are promises.  We are only able to function as a culture, society and civilization because people take and make and KEEP promises.  In America, we have a zillion unspoken promises:  that we will talk things out or go to court and not just shoot first and ask questions later, for example.  This mutual promise of each of us to refrain from resorting to violence as a way of resolving disputes is one of the pillars of civilization itself.  It’s why we so heavily punish violent behavior as a crime in almost every culture and nation and society in history.  Do not kill other people was the rule long before Moses.

How about if the boss comes in one Friday and says:  “well, folks, I know it’s payday but the old ball and chain and I had a helluva fight last week and I hauled off and went to Vegas and lost all your wages and withholding at the craps table.  I know you will understand how domestic rows can upset things.  That is all.  Back to work.  Maybe next week the dice will roll more 8s the hard way. bye.  so sorry.”

You want to quit and/or shoot him?  Why?  You understand the explanation, don’t you?  Haven’t you ever had a fight with your significant other and then done something stupid?  Quit?  Not FAIR!!! 

I’ll leave it to someone else to talk about the other side of this same coin, also a pet peeve of mine:  people who won’t freakin’ take a stand and commit to anything or, even worse, who give you a “weasely” reassurance in the place of a promise.  (“I can’t exactly promise to pay you back on tuesday, but real soon, you bet, real real soon.”  “I’ll be as monogamous as the next guy as long as the next guy is don Juan.  Ho ho ho. pretty good, eh?  Let’s not talk about this tonight, honey, okay?” )

At random: Ann Coulter now slightly leads Condi Rice for the title: “The Cunt”.