Sitting next to MCARP at Sauced!, our mouths agape as several (rather lovely young) women at our table passed around a turkey leg, each in turn tearing off huge and vicious bites, whilst one of them repeated “stabbed 14 times!” many more times than 14.
Giving an enthusiastic hug/greeting to a woman I’d once dated briefly, only to be introduced to her husband of 3 weeks and hastening to leave as he began pissing on all the corners of the yard.
Walking through the crowd like a politician on the 4th of July, slapping backs and kissing babies. This is the world’s largest small town, right Oz?
Enduring Matt Walsh’s interminable futzing with the sound system and complaints about his mic… but, when the boy kicked it… Hep cats, that white boy wailed out some blues that made old men jump up and boogie… Tall Ed chatted up a young’un with bright headlights and a swing that should come with a porch… Pinky … little kids dancing … Mattie at Sauced! with his face painted to match his multi-colored hair…Della, my Della, a rose for your 21 years and pierced lip…Cindy, did your Mom just feel me up?…
A tall thin blonde introduced me to Dane and Issac at Isis, but all I wanted to do was kiss her. What’s a boy to do? I went and spoke to Tina and received a johnlong, went to the bathroom and went on my way. Now I regret not hauling off and doing the deed, but the moment’s passed. I hate that. I hate it when you realize you just flat chickened out and that’s all there is to it and no damn do-overs. It wouldn’t change anything. I just wish I’d given in to impulse. Just this once. Now, I’ll be all awkward about it and I’ll have to just get over myself. Meanwhile, she very darn likely never gave it a second thought and when I’m all awkward about it and trying to get over myself, she’ll be thinking, quite rightly, “I wonder why he’s acting so … wierd?”. Sorry. I know I’m so completely and terminally unique that I’m the only person in the world who has ever experienced anything like this, the constant internal dialogue in which I tell myself in my best control-issue, micromanaging way what a complete fuckup I am and how I don’t deserve anything but the complete and total isolation all of humanity wishes I would achieve as quickly as possible, and certainly not anything like human affection and, gulp, approval.
guess that’s why I blog, huh? it’s kind of like talking to yourself where others can listen in.
This must have been why you called me so early, Big Bro. Hey, at least you went out among friends and heard some good music. The other side of that coin is, I went out and was groped and stalked. I didn’t even get to listen to good music! Memorial weekend in Charleston is insane! You should have come here this weekend, plenty of women looking for Mr. Goodbar. I actually had fun for a change. My girls and I are going to Fla. weekend after next, then I’ll see you in OKC. We’ll have some laughs. Love you!