I can’t wait to see the reaction to this column about the downside of being a man. Knowing discretion is the better part of valor, I’ll keep my own thoughts to my ownself until I see which way the wind blows.
blogblah!!!
Blogblah!!!
I just blather on and on about stuff that interests me, mostly politics and sex and sometimes movies and art.
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I have a lot of guy friends and I am actually considered to be a “guy kind of girl” so I completely understand what this article (and you) are saying. It’s tough for you people but unfortunately there’s nothing to be done about it. We women are difficult.
I guess the answer is for you to stick to your own gender for sex and just be friends with women. If you aren’t so inclined then you’ll have to put up with our drama, moods, temper, tears and general dislike and distrust of men.
I’m glad I’m a woman, we have all the power. It sucks to be a man.
Love ya, Bro
Mindovermary
I have a hard time believing the “Ned” experiment didn’t deserve the cold shoulder and brush off from many women. I cannot imagine a lesbo turned experimental boy wouldn’t make my skin crawl with a simple hello. I’d like to think, at a minimum, I would pick up a weird vibe.
The one orgasm one-track minded male who wrote this article sounds bitter and jealous of the choosy multi-orgasmic females he fails at wooing.
Too bad, so sad.
So are the people who see this article as brilliant just going along with its completely flawed and over-dramatized logic? I hate to piss on the parade, but I could point out about 57 logical fallacies, the biggest of which is that the sex drive is exclusively related to orgasm. Maybe this is true for men, but it’s destructive to the argument to use the same association for women. I don’t know about all you other ladies, but my drive comes from the stuff leading up to orgasm. Sure, the O or Os is/are great, but if that’s the crux of the drive, then I guess I could argue in response to this brilliant guy that men are not driven sexually at all, but by the end of sex. So using the same kind of false-cause arguments this guy revels in, men hate sex, and women actually have a stronger sex drive. And that’s only one gaping hole (lol) in this article.
Like Westika, I think this guy is looney and logically off the mark by quite a ways.
On the other hand, he has a kernal of truth on his side.
In particular, the “Ned” experiment.
What woman hasn’t been to a bar and pestered to death by a jerk? so, to avoid that, a large porportion of women will often brush a guy off at first glance, sometimes rather harshly, because with jerks only the nuclear option works.
Trouble is, most of us guys are not jerks. There are a certain number of us men who are what I’ll call True Jerks. They are the ones whose men friends, women classmates and maybe their mother would call a jerk. Similarly, there are a certain number of women who are True Bitches. This category of men and women ruin a lot of things for all the rest of us in the rotten apple spoils the barrel kind of way. Then, however, there are the Situational Jerks and Situational Bitches. A guy might be a situational jerk if he’s normally a pretty good guy, but he’s had one too many Jagermeister shots and now he’s a jerk. Maybe a woman’s in a bar because she really needs to have a talk with her best girl over a glass of wine and men are universally not needed or wanted. No matter who tries to talk to her, she’s going to be a bitch because she has a whole different agenda in that particular situation. Then, finally, there are the accidental jerks and bitches. A great many guys have more or less trouble being forward enough to speak to a girl and don’t have much practice at it and they just do it wrong. They aren’t a jerk at all, they just aren’t very good at chatting up people. Some women are the same; they just don’t know any other brush off technique except the nuclear option because it’s the only one they’ve ever seen. These are also, in a way, fear jerks and bitches. They do something bitchy or jerky because they are afraid to do anything else. They are afraid of “getting a reputation” or of falling flat in front of their buddies.
Since the ones who are the very best at the chatting up game from either side are more likely to be married or taken, the ones most likely to engage in this form of hooking up, especially in a bar, are more likely to be in the jerk/bitch category and the small porportions of jerk/bitches in the general population gets concentrated in these settings.
Thus, a man who is not a jerk is much more likely to be insulted and belittled by a woman who is rarely if ever otherwise a bitch because of the situation. That’s the guy’s real problem, the circumstance and not women in general, and that’s why even though he’s wrong, he’s funny because if you’ve tried more than a few times to chat up some slick looking female, you’ll face more than your share of unfair responses.
On the stuff about sex itself, I think the guy is confusing American bar culture with humanity. American men do tend to be sex obsessed and orgasm obsessed, but I don’t think that’s a quality of men per se, only of American culture (an oxymoron?). As to women and sex, I also think he’s confused cultural norms with the nature of women qua woman.
Any man who can open his notion of sex to make a quiet glass of wine over dinner part of foreplay — and yes, men are capable of such a feat — will be viewed by women in America as one of the wonders of the world and by their men friends as gay. Elsewhere, this magic trick is viewed as the norm.
Similarly, women who can expand their minds around the idea of sex as an end and not a means or a prelude — and yes, women are capable of such a feat — will be viewed by other women as some kind of slut and by her man as a miracle. Elsewhere, this magic trick is considered as the norm.
Meanwhile, those of us doomed to date in America find ourselves walking the minefield forced against our good sense to carry several large two-suiter bags of cultural bull manure and this guy is making fun of it without knowing it and ascribing it to bullshit “science” that doesn’t make sense except as a humorous monologue.
In summary, a guy could easily get the idea that women hate men and that’s funny and just because this guy is too young and unsophisticated to know why that happens doesn’t make the idea any less funny. Men and women do have differences when it comes to sex, but that’s not the cause of the friction between the genders, it’s the solution IMHO.
Laocoon, Blogblah’s evil twin
Well played, soothsayer. To be honest, by the time I got to the “Ned” part of the article, I was too put off by the rhetoric to pay attention to any other points. You’re right about the bitch/jerk in the bar, though. Most guys I meet in the bar, I have trouble taking seriously, although one time I was completely swept away, and we carried on for exactly six months until his wife called me from his cell phone. But in general, I see any guy who chats me up in a bar an orgasm-obsessed idiot who can’t possibly appreciate who I am or really want answers to the small-talk questions he’s asking me.
Here’s a weird double standard I think a lot of people, including myself, have: Many people say they wouldn’t want to date or be in a relationship with someone they met at a bar. But they go to the bars, too. Are they not good enough people to be dated? Does that make any sense?
But then again, I guess we’re just talking about sex here, not relationships. So maybe this is the deal (from the woman’s perspective): Sex is too psychological for me to get into screwing any random guy in the bar. Then again, I totally lack that “stranger fantasy” that so many people have. So I usually come off as the situational bitch to most guys.
Oh well, the good news is there’s always masturbation.