The End Of The World?
Really, baby sis? Really?
The End of the World?

There was a time in the 19th Century when some American religious zealots thought they had calculated precisely the day of the Rapture, the “end of the world”. Hundreds of Americans devoutly gave away their worldly possessions and gathered on a particular hilltop. Eh, not so much. Eventually, they just drifted away after awhile.

cosmic hand of god

Think about most of the “end of the world” scenarios that become popular. The Mayan 2012, nuclear winter, the Rapture, massive asteroid smashes into the globe, for example. Actually, if you think about it, the WORLD doesn’t end; it’s just most of us and civilization AS WE KNOW IT that ends. Not the world.

Absent Trafalmagorians racing into their sun/star or Darth Vader’s Death Star, the world isn’t going to end for billions of years until old Sol gets feisty and swallows us. I’m thinking we won’t care half as much a billion years from now. We’ll just teleport to another solar system and get on with our lives.

And conspiracies? Puh-lease.

Government that can’t fix potholes can’t conspire to wipe its own ass.

A CIA that thinks Saddam Hussein has WMDs and can’t conspire to assassinate Castro with exploding cigars successfully but can conspire to kill JFK and get away with it for 50 years without anyone spilling the beans? Right.

The world as we know it is really run by Illuminati/Trilateral Commission/Jews/Masons/billionaires that get together annually with aliens and rape and eat virgins/Mafia/CIA/KGB/Mossad/Terrorists/Fight Club/the Vatican/evil genius villains of some/every stripe. Rly? Srsly?

Ghosts or Demons or Mothmen (really bad movie)?

They traveled back in time and put birth announcements in a 1961 Honolulu newspaper to advance the cause of a half-black kid who grew up to be president?

They control all the money and how it flows? They sure did a good job of losing $23 Trillion (US) last year, didn’t they? Genius! Er, maybe not.

Once you start listening to this crap, you might want to think about this: is there a shred of evidence or is all the evidence conveniently missing? Most conspiracy theories rely on a “prove it doesn’t work that way” kind of negative pregnant.

That stuff is just a folkway substitute for tonight’s television. Just another way to keep from having to think about how vacuous our fat-ass in front of the TV lives have become and to keep from having to take personal responsibility for having raised children who listen to rap music. If it’s not some grand conspiracy that we can’t control, then it’s us who have to take responsibility for who we’ve become.

Can’t have that, can we?

For my money, it’s the same with Christianism (as opposed to Christianity). Believe in all the “magic” stuff or die by the sword muthafarkker! Otherwise, to claim to be a Christian, we’d have to give stuff to the poor and sick and lame and stop judging our neighbors. Ewww.

It’s all trash and mostly pushed by trashy people, if you think about it.

Most of folks who champion this stuff turn out to be people with stunted critical thinking skills. They are mostly people who find themselves trapped in small lives that don’t match up with their high opinions of themselves. People who must think they have special insight into life as we know it as a way of boosting their self-esteem and elevating themselves into a small coterie of the enlightened. Otherwise, they’d just be assholes who refuse to take responsibility for the fact that they live in a trailer park.

Sis, this stuff is like drugs. It’s a diversion from the hard work of living in the real world. It’s a way of escaping responsibility for our life choices. It’s addictive in the same warped, wacked out way that drugs are addictive. When you indulge in these fantasies, you’re getting the thrill of it and you escape your real life. Just like a drug.

You are way too smart to fall for that crap. You are way too cool to need that crap.

Besides, everyone knows the world and our lives can be reduced to 12 bumper stickers: One Day At A Time; Think; Let Go and Let God; etc. All the best people know that your brother, personally, is the world’s smartest guy and should be in charge as Emperor of the World because he’s going to make sure that there are no skirts shorter than they are wide and that spandex will never again be sewn into a size larger than 12.

A really short spandex skirt in size 16, now that’s the end of the world as we know it!